


Stargazer

by NatShinigami



Series: The Structure of a Legend [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Black City (Dragon Age), Character doesn't want to see the truth, Character turned into a Mage, Developing fobias, Engineer in Fantasy World, Engineers breaking things up in fantasy settings, F/M, Free Marches (Dragon Age), Humans are the Real Monsters, In the Fade, Itinerant artists, Kill It With Fire, LITERALLY, Light Angst, Magic and Science, Magic is a crime against science, Modern Girl in Thedas, Other, POV First Person, Technically underage but not quite, Templars (Dragon Age), because why not?, magic is science, sometimes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-06-18 09:26:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 36,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15482712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NatShinigami/pseuds/NatShinigami
Summary: Waking into a place where nothing makes sense wasn't Marianna's idea of a quiet weekend, yet it gets even worse when she is thrown into a world not her own and given powers that would get all the spy agencies calling for her blood in neat tubes.Now she is to find a way home... If she, a city girl, can find a way to survive the wilderness.And looting is not as fun in real life as it is in video games...





	1. Wake

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! And welcome to my new series!  
> Every Sunday you will be treated to a chapter of this, so let me know what you think. This one is already finished, so no fear of me stopping updating around chapter 5... I am also happier than ever to begin posting because this alongside its follow-up work were the ones that gave me victory in this month's CampNanowrimo, so to say I am excited would be an understatement - which is also why you get this today instead of August 1st.  
> For those of you curious, you can find some pics and things I've done for this series in my tumblr, natshinigamiwrites  
> I hope you enjoy the beginning of this journey!
> 
> Disclaimer for the whole work: I own nothing but my pitiful OCs and my headcanons.

When I opened my eyes, a green haze covered everything.

I really didn't pay too much attention to it, I never was an early riser and waking up was the worst part of sleeping. Things got weird, however, notice-worthy weird, when my wish to close my eyes and burrow into my fluffy covers was denied by a single, yet very significant fact.

I wasn't in my bed.

In fact, I was standing, gravity holding my feet glued to the ground yet unable to feel my own weight charging on them. Adrenaline-fueled-fear ran through my veins and I forced my eyes to focus on things beyond my nose and the mist.

A hysterical joke reared its head at the sight of the roofless hall I was in. There was no other way to call it, nor hallway nor entrance and much less something as undignifiedly simple as a room. Columns made of what looked like twisted obsidian rose to hold fragments of trusses made of the same material that had once held a roof that was no more. Scarier still was the fact that those fragments should have long ago been thinned by erosion and pulled down by gravity's action...

The sky above was a sickly green that brought forth thoughts of charts from ammonia control in aquariums - and more than one movie where green skies were never a good thing. A shudder wracked up my body before the intense feeling of being watched while my mind wandered came to me. My eyes lowered and met figures cut into the slightly-lighter mist, their glowy pools of denser matter in the places where eyes should have been.

I lost it, completely and utterly lost it. I ran past them, feeling talon-like fingers snagging my arm for a second, knowing scratches would be on the way.

Was this the place where all of those people who reported to being accosted by supernatural entities encountered themselves in? A place made of light-eating stone where physical laws held no sway and strange misty-thingies clawed at you while the lack of logic slowly ate away your sanity... Not that I believed in those things, but one had to wonder. My legs kept moving underneath me while I looked for a way out and my brain tried desperately to piece together how had I ended up in this conundrum. One of those things extended its hands and threw something at me the second I caught sight of a darker patch of wall that might as well be a portal.

I speed up, trying to get there before whatever that thing shot managed to hit me - but it wasn't enough.

As I crossed the lintel I felt something hit my back, cold infecting and spreading through me quickly in a way that was as surprising as it was unsettling. I guess now I understood the expression of fire spreading through one's veins... just with cold instead of heat like someone was pouring liquid nitrogen through them. The pain came later but I was expecting it and was more preoccupied for: a, getting out, and b, the feeling crawling still through my body.

Black halls were everything within my sight, with some turns and forks here and there. I kept going straight, as fast as my legs could carry me with the hope of reaching a door, all the while hearing muted shrieks at my back and feeling the coldness and pain morph into almost unbearable heat. That damned stitch on my side made its appearance when another of those misty monsters appeared ahead and I was forced to quickly turn to the only way to the side or collide. I still ended up colliding more or less against a dead-end so in hindsight perhaps I should've tried to phase my way through the thing. It occurred to me that perhaps if I tried to speak with the things they wouldn't prove out to be bad thingies, but my gut feeling said otherwise. Seemed like I would have no other option than to try and prove my 'perhaps diplomacy can handle everything' as I had trapped myself between a rock and a hard place.

Oh, how I wished for the earth or stone or whatever to open up under my feet and swallow me whole just to avoid the confrontation with those things...

And had I not yet fully formed the thought nor the pleading whine at the end of my throat when suddenly it became true: under my feet stone dissolved and I fell straight into the abyss. The screaming was deafening even to my ears, though that ended and was replaced by the roaring sound of my own blood in my veins and that of my brain giving up on this shit, closing the door and driving away.

A swirling sea of energy that ate all the visible spectrum but the aforementioned yellow, green and yellowish-green, and jaded rocky islands floating here and there as if gravity was something easily dismissed - it was now officially the weirdest dream I'd ever had, and I craved to wake in a way previously unknown to me.

The ground was getting closer, courtesy of one of the floaty rocks. Up close one could see half-crumbled structures, twisting and turning in ways that would make any Civil Engineer claw their eyes out in outrage. For those with biological inclinations, there were also trees that I couldn't recognize with figures that brought to mind pictures of nuclear wastelands. More of those misty thingies floated here and there, yet this time my gut warned me not of bad intentions but of raw, untamed power - which still meant a 'no-go' in gut-speech.

I was about to scream - cheer to the approaching ground, the hope to die in this place and wake in my warm bed ready to laugh all this off almost a raw feeling in my skin when suddenly a non-gravity took a hold of me and lowered my speed until I landed softly on solid rock

My brain came back, only to sarcastically point out that without it I couldn't even commit accidental suicide in a dream without somehow screwing up.

It took me a second to connect myself with this token body in dreamland, finding myself still high-strung with adrenaline and harsh breathing induced by fear. My insides still hurt due to whatever those monsters had shot at me, and there was some minor dull pain on the soles of my feet that I didn't expect after the gentle landing.

Feeling bold and alive and defiant and very much not safe I turned and sought the place from which I had fallen, planning to use it as a landmark and get as far away from it as possible.

A giant construct of black atop the largest of the floating rocks I had seen until then. Even from where I was, what seemed like kilometers under, I could see the bright yellow that belonged to artificial lightning on windows and as close as I was it wasn't hard to see towers and spires and roofs cut against the sickly sky. A shiver deep in my back, sweat turning cold and whatever was on my veins heating up until almost unbearable levels were enough.

I would call myself a coward for feeling paranoid on a dream later when all of this was over, but at the moment the sensation of being watched and preyed upon was raw and real. And I felt no shame at all in simply turning and following the clearest path away from the floaty city.


	2. Wander

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the second semester is here and with it, the time slot I had used for writing is covered again - and trying to change it it's taking time.  
> Life will get messy. Enjoy this chapter anyway and head over to my Tumblr to see some pics and news on the development of this.  
> Thanks for reading and leaving kudos! Have a nice week!

I found myself pleasantly surprised - and utterly bored - after an undetermined amount of time.

On the one hand, I had managed to run god knows how many kilometers, miles, meters, whatever without either stopping to rest or getting my legs as heavy as lead, so good going there. On the other hand, dreams usually jumped straight to the interesting parts of the story and I was pretty sure running through this place wasn't one of those.

Adrenaline had faded a time ago, and a heavy dread had settled on my stomach when the pain dulled but didn't completely disappeared. I wanted to wake up, to simply stare at my bland ceiling thinking about the stupid things my brain had conjured, spend the rest of the night surfing the internet and go to work the next morning as if nothing had ever happened. I could count the times I had been conscious of a dream with one hand, and I had to go and live my first nightmare in full HD, go figure.

I was going to get drunk and kill a few brain cells next Friday, just to kindly remind the grey matter inside my skull who was boss.

Fear ebbed into curiosity when none of the misty beings that reeked of power seemed to be hostile when I got closer. In fact, most of them just kept to themselves or closed in to get a look at me and then went onto their business. The landscape was still the same floating islands and crumbling structures cut against a greenish-yellow sky that didn't seem to change at all as time progressed. I felt secure enough, comfortable in the distance I had put between myself and the black island for me to turn and take a look at what had to be its small shape on the horizon.

I could feel my face turn into a mask of confusion and disbelief: the freaking city was still in the exact same distance from me as before. This didn't make any sense at all: I had run for what felt like hours, floating islands had been left behind and new ones had appeared. I was sure I wasn't going in circles because every structural nightmare I had come across had failed due to different causes and the trees seemed different too - or perhaps I was trying to convince myself of the fact, but I was damned sure that I had moved from my starting point, changed the angle from which I had to be seeing it at least. I couldn't fathom how something like this could be possible.

I really hadn't been keeping tabs on where and when I vocalized my thoughts, since not only was this an inhabited wasteland but also my dream/nightmare, and as it didn't contain an ounce of stealth sections I didn't feel the compulsion to keep quiet. You could understand my confusion - and fright - then when something answered my complaint.

"It is the way things are in the Fade. A place where things are ruled by thought and perception instead of matter and physics." Said my newest delirium with the kind of voice that gets described in books as 'musical' or 'light made sound'.

I turned, still wary, to find myself face to face with Galadriel - and, not the Cate Blanchet version I loved from the movies, but the one my mind had conjured up while reading the Silmarillion: hair made of strands of pure pale gold, skin the color of the purest ivory and the grey eyes of the Noldor as piercing as a blade looking down at me from where she stood a head taller. Light came from her, as if illuminated from within, and I didn't even stop to think how I wasn't seeing her as the amorphous mass of emotions and impressions my brain used to replace people within my few remembered dreams, I was just happy that she wasn't one of the misty thingies and that I wasn't alone anymore in this wasteland.

After all, if my dream had to conjure someone to help me in whatever quest I was going through, then it better be someone who had lived and survived through as much and as long as the daughter of Finarfin. She smiled as if reading my thoughts or at least the relief in my face - and I breathed deeper and pulled from deep in my mind the few vestiges of Sindarin I had managed to stick even though I had long ago migrated to greener pastures.

"Mae govannen Galadriel, Lady of Light. A star shines in the time of our meeting." Her smile gentled, yet a mischievous glint appeared in her eyes that would be light in line with my mind making even someone like her act out of character.

"Oh, I see what you have done there! Mixing two different greetings from two different sources on the same culture overall, quite clever since one is based on the other. Though now I just want to know both stories as they are bound to be interesting if elves are messing all around the place." Great, now I would never be able to take out of my mind the picture of Lady Galadriel speaking using modern speech. There it goes my next fanfiction idea.

"You should know of Arda's tale at least, considering you lived through most of it," I answered with some exasperation seeping into my voice, fear, and violation of physical laws as far away from my mind as the ups and downs of corn's price right then. She just moved her head in regal denial.

"I might look like her but I am not her, and although I could sort through your mind for the raw data that wouldn't bring me the understanding I seek."

The mere thought of something going through my mind and my innermost thoughts brought a shudder, then, the full meaning of her words fell through me like a bag full of bricks.

"Damn, if you aren't she then what in the seven circles of hell are you?"

It was like a veil was being pulled, just that instead of it being in between me and the figure or on the figure itself it was as if someone ripped a band-aid right from my brain, the frontal lobules strangely enough. All of sudden one of those misty creatures was standing in place of the Lady, its form defined in the shape of a woman with no other color but whites and greys and mild golds. And all of sudden the burning in my veins flared up and she had reached out, touched my arm and dulled the pain.

A misty creature or not being able to stand without pain felt so heavenly that I could've kissed her at that moment. The fact that she furrowed her brow, took my arm and began to drag me in some random direction wasn't something relevant at the moment.

"We have to get you out of the Fade. Mortals shouldn't be here, your magic will bring the wrong kind of attention or burn up in your veins - or both if you give in to a Demon."

Seemed that, despite all appearances, this was going to morph into one of those dreams out of which you could later dig up for ideas that would have been too mad for your mind to conjure consciously. A gift from my subconscious then, and with magic to boot. This could get very interesting if it didn't go one of the weird ways dreams usually went.

"Magic, cool. Demons not so much unless they are of the sexy kind. I would, however, like to know where I am going and who and what you are if it is now much trouble. I will even give you my own name in exchange - except if you are a fey, giving names to the fey is a bad idea..."

I kept on ranting up until the misty woman turned around and used her hand to shut my mouth. She had a look in her eyes that had been plastered on Galadriel's face it would have caused fright to resurface, as it was amusement welled up instead alongside the familiar hysteria that was common in unlikely and surreal situations. I didn't bother to cover anything up, I could annoy anyone in dreams without real consequences after all.

"I am Learning, not Patience and I already caught that you turn obnoxious when bored. Now, kindly shut up while I try to save your hide, ok?"

I nodded and smiled. I liked her, even though she was a bit arrogant to call herself 'Learning' as if it was something a person could be; perhaps my own arrogance had seeped into my dreaming and was now taking revenge. Still, I had the comforting impression that once she finished guiding me to wherever I was going to wake and find myself in my warm and cozy bed. A light bulb went on on my mind and I opened my mouth, Learning simply turned and smiled.

"Don't you dare ask me 'are we there yet' if you want to keep my aid."

Damn, mind reading whisps of imagination were as funny as some of my old teachers. Spoilsports.

Still, it felt good to wander with a purpose other than simply run from danger, it felt much like a video game with me following what was to be my quest giver and temporary companion through a dungeon. It took the mind from things like how some misty figures passing next to me whispered my own worst thoughts back to me, or how the burning had come back to my veins, or how I could still feel something sinister looking at me from the black city behind and above.

Yeah, keep annoying Learning and perhaps I could get stranded here - don't, and perhaps I get to leave my sanity here. That wasn't really a choice. 


	3. Wonder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all those of you who read, bookmark and leave kudos, as well as comments!  
> You make my day! Enjoy!

It was amazing all the twists and turns this place had.

Now that I had drawn the comparison with a dungeon I would have stood before a forking for minutes had I not had Learning to guide me because I wouldn't know where to go to: first, get the obvious loot - oh, sweet, sweet loot - and second, get out of the place without any boss fights, unless those boss fights moved the story and gave even more loot. There had, gratefully too for I was not sure if my usual daydreaming battle skills were available here, been no bosses to speak for up until now, only rocks, half-crumbled structures and some weird half-columns that could transport us from one floaty rocky-island to another - I had to put my brain up to date which  _why_ mixing fantasy with science-fiction was not a good idea...

As before, it took an unmeasured amount of time for me to begin to bore with just ignoring my gut and enjoying the sights. The place was as dull as the rocks I stepped upon and even the thingies whispering my worst fears to my ears got old fast. Eventually, pestering Learning was no more an amusement than a simple way to pass the time without starting to try and modify the fabric of the dreaming - that never went well in my experience, it usually got to me fast to a fantastic death sequence. Her voice took me out of my revelry.

"We are approaching a thinning of the Veil, I think you would be able to pass back into the Walking world if you use enough magic and will to force it."

I shrugged. "I will need a rain check on this 'magic and will' thing. I'm afraid I left my knowledge of channeling nature forces at home."

I could imagine her rolling her eyes before letting my arm go and turning fully to look at me with a perfectly arched brow.

"How did you survive this long without basic knowledge of the world or it's working its lost on me, and its something I'd rather not learn. Perhaps I should guide you to the nearest spirit of Knowledge and let you be..."

I just shrugged and smiled. "It's not the first time I've been threatened to be passed on to other, I'm just too charming to stick to for long."

Learning laughed heartily and my smile turned bigger. She might not wear the skin of the Lady anymore, but her laugh it's still what I always imagined an elven laugh would be like: music and light entwined into one sound that uplifted the soul. I could almost hear a flute in its highs and a lute on its lows. She looked at me with the exasperated fondness most of my friends got on their faces after knowing me for a time.

"Aren't you a ray of sunshine? What would you like to learn, Marianna?"

I startled, taken out of my happy haze by her casual mention of my name.

"How would you know my name if I never told you of it?" I recognized the glint on her gaze and scowled. "Now it's me who has to ask you not to mention something like 'but dearie, I learned it from you of course!'." She quickly schooled her face into innocence, something I had never quite managed. Now it was my time to look at her with disbelief painted across my features, at least until I gave up. I was tired of this dream, no matter how many cute faces she showed me. "I want to know the basics, just enough to control whatever I will need to do to get out of here."

She nodded appreciatively and began explaining things about mana and pulling the Fade around me and controlling the energy through sheer will. It was all pretty sketchy and I couldn't believe my brain had just spent the last hours preparing my mind for such a disappointment in my own lack of imagination - non-science based magic wasn't anywhere near as funny as pseudo-scientifical magic. I listened, I learned, the same way I had been able to do since I was a kid, and when she asked for me to conjure fire in my hand I extended my hand and mentalized myself to perform magic.

Intent and focus, she had said. I had never been good for the second. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and imagined the flame forming atop my extended hand.

I felt nothing but stupid. There was no heat atop my palm, and when I opened my eyes there wasn't flame either. This was supposed to be my dream, why couldn't be the Hero here as I was in anything else I imagined? What the hell, subconscious?

I frowned but tried again because I wasn't going to let my lack of imagination get in the way of waking. I calmed my sense of pride by remembering Toby Maguire trying to shot spider webs in the first movie. I laughed a bit, my focus sprang and so did fire from my fingertips.

Nice and neat! Or it would have been had it not begun to spread to the rest of my hand and arm. I squealed indignantly and Learning had to come and douse the fire with something, it might have been condensed water vapor from this misty mystery realm or ectoplasm straight from her ghostly body. I didn't know, nor care. My hand felt icky afterward but at least it wasn't burned. I looked at my improvised  _sensei_  who seemed to be containing a laugh and gave her the stink eye before returning to my original position.

That scene repeated more times than I care to remember: I would initially fail, then some memory would spark a flicker of emotion inside of me and the fire would follow, but the same second it ignited and reason took its place it sprang out of my control. My skin was undamaged, but my hair and clothes were signed and falling off in some places. As ire kept mounting on the flames that sprang were bigger, and so were the consequences. The last attempts were of me trying to vainly control this strange power while it denied my every command and tried to overpower what little ability I had gained.

I made a note of dreaming myself as an overpowered character the next time before surrendering to what my mind was screaming and remember everything that I knew about fire: it was a process of rapid oxidation, it generated light and heat, it required fuel and oxygen to burn... And all of sudden the maddest idea in the story of mad ideas flared up.

I raised my hand again and forced all the intent and focus I could muster. Thought of atmospheric composition as well as molecular weight and proprieties swarm in my mind and for a second I felt as if I could feel the weight of the very oxygen atoms I was breathing travel to my body and be carried in my blood. I took a deep breath and imagined a portion of the atmosphere around my hand is separated from the rest, letting everything but the weight of oxygen and nitrogen filter through the walls of an invisible barrier. Using physics and chemistry was so much easier than magic, a drop of pressure here, a rise in temperature there, and a perfectly controlled ball of flame sprung in my hand.

I turned and looked proudly at Learning, who still looked amused.

"That is quite impressive and might save you if someone ever smites you and cuts your from the Fade... But it only lasts as long as there is fuel." Said, with her hand, extended towards my flaming orb...

That wasn't flaming anymore. The oxygen must have been burnt already. I waved my hand and it dissolved back into the ether.

"At least I know that I can do it." Answered, not unlike my best friend's niece, who was hellbent in proving she was always right, a petulant little thing that was turning out to like me more than her auntie.

Learning seemed as impressed as Romi when her favorite niece pulled that voice.

"You do realize that it would have been much easier to simply spring one of those barriers around the fire you create with the aid of the Fade than to begin pouring every ounce of will you have into controlling particles, don't you?"

I could feel my cheeks warm because the answer was, in fact, that I hadn't. My friends did say that doing things my way was coming to bite me in the ass someday. I puffed and snorted.

"It is easier for me to think out my way."

"That doesn't mean it is the best way." Softly chastised Learning. I simply looked at her again and felt her hand softly muse my hair. "Try again. This time you won't fail."

Her early praise made me feel better, yet brought back the uncomfortable feeling of not wanting to disappoint her.  Disgruntled and a bit uncomfortable I stepped away from her feather-light touch and stood at the ready, hand extended forward.

As if my using of physics had calmed my mind and unlocked something within it, this time I didn't felt ridiculous reaching for the energy around me, it twisted and turned and breathed, as if alive, and answered swiftly my command to draw flame as if there was no barrier between the thought inside my skull and the reality around me. I inhaled and the flame between my fingers dimmed, I exhaled and the flame soared reaching new heights. It tried to go out of my control at every second, yet I didn't require a barrier to keep it I found, only to will oxygen and fuel away from it and treat it as I would non-magical fire. Learning's soft smile of encouragement gave me courage and so I gazed back at the little flame and commanded it.

I spun it through my fingers, fascinated by being able to do this without being burned. It failed when I tried to form it into figures and animals as I had seen done in movies, but then again I sucked at modeling things in general. I raised its heat until it turned the intense blue of the hottest flame, and then I tried to draw it all quickly and freeze it. I lost it then, feeling the betrayal the flame felt at being whisked away by the searing will of its master.

I startled and the flame vanished completely only to be replaced by the sweet laughter of my teacher.

"It seems that you have your way with the creatures of the Fade."

"What do you mean by that?" I asked, confused.

She smiled simply and took my arm and with it myself away from my improvided classroom. The sky hadn't changed, again, but I found myself thinking that a great deal of time had been wasted with me trying to control the simplest of flame spells.

"You have learned what you needed and asked for, and it's not the nature of learning to impose on those who do not seek it. Would you find yourself in need of it I know you will find me, but it would be ill-advised of me to try and teach you when you are unwilling."

I felt relief, this wouldn't last much longer now and I wouldn't have to keep fighting logic to move on. On the other hand, Learning was an amene presence, someone I would love to spurn into a character and make her appear in one of my poor attempts of fanfiction or a song, were I talented enough for that. She was mysterious and reserved yet kind and more patient than expected. She had put up with me and that was no small feat. I couldn't help but think that it would be a loss for me once I woke up and the finer details of my dreaming were lost to awareness.

I was deciding what to do when she stopped in a seemingly random spot no different from any other we had passed on our way, if a little more filled by misty beings than usual, some of them even with an ominous red tint. I shuddered and snuck closer to my companion, who looked at me gently now.

"We are here Marianna, a thinning of the Veil." She smiled ruefully and I was struck by how much she resembled things out of my mind, the grief of Noldor barred from Aman this time, that had never even had a real form. "You will have to push with your magic until the Veil thins enough for you to see the other side, you will be called to the physical world, your soul will yearn for it. Follow that feeling and you will find your way into the Waking."

I sighed, exasperated by the mysterious and riddled ways in which she gave instructions. Then, that exasperation turned to fear once I saw her turn and walk away.

"Wait! Are you leaving?" I didn't want to be alone until I woke. God knows I would find a way to make this messier than it ought and my subconscious would enjoy torturing me until I found a solution.

Learning looked at me, those piercing looks that were more blade digging into you than simple looks.

"If I stay I might be corrupted, the Waking is not kind to those who inhabit the Dreaming. We will meet again however, this is not a 'farewell' but a 'see you later'." I opened my mouth and her hard stare made it snap closed. "You won't screw up, have a little more self-confidence."

And with those endorsing words, she dissolved into mist.

I was alone now.


	4. Wend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So may assignments, so little time...  
> Enjoy!

Pressing against the Veil seemed all nice and easy.

It had been a fault in my part not to actually ask what the fuck that meant. Magic was involved, that was clear, but where was this veil? Was it like the one in Harry Potter? Was something a bride had long ago left forgotten and had now obtained a mind of its own?

Learning had pronounced the word with the inflection and carefulness one gives to one of those capitalized-initial words that betray its importance, but that didn't really help much. I could turn and look for another of the misty beings to ask my questions, but they might not be as willing to help as she had been, and without her constant presence near me the pain was ebbing back into my body and a strange tiredness was setting in. I needed to get back before I needed to sleep, this would be too much like Inception otherwise.

Focus and intent. Feeling magic. Ok, I could do this. Taking a deep breath I raised my hand as I had done while practicing magic before, yet before I could conjure the flame a whisp of light began dancing around my hand.

Like a weird mix between butterfly and cat, it fluttered for a bit before pressing against my palm, rubbing against me, it was warm and brought joy with it. The pain receded again and I smiled gratefully to it. It twisted while I thanked it and turned into scary green flame on my palms before going back to its light orb shape and reaching forward.

It all happened so fast I stood dumbfounded looking at it. It seemed frustrated for a second before repeating its movements. I smiled again when I understood its intent.

"I am to conjure green flame and put it forward!" It moved it form in a half-denial, half-nod and I understood that I had something wrong. It came back to my hands and its form of green flame, before flaring up violently. I gasped yet had an answer ready when it turned back to its original shape and stood in front of me. "I have to use the green flame in this place, as strong as I can conjure it!"

It twirled around me happy and stood a little ways behind as if keeping watch over me - or perhaps verifying that I wouldn't burn its place to ashes. My mind could truly conjure weird things sometimes.

I took a deep breath and raised my hands in front of me. Calling flame was easier this time, it flickered around my fingers as if happy that I had called it, and when I forced more energy and what passed for oxygen in this realm onto it, it took as greedily as, well, fire to dry kindling. I put more and more and more of me into it until my hands were engulfed by a roaring fire the likes of which ate entire forests.

I was trying to work out what would I have to add to turn the flame green when it began to tingle that color on its own. It began at the core of the flame and extended slowly but surely to the rest of the flame. I found myself entranced by the color, a green not sickly as all the others that colored this place, but cold and calm. When I had the mind to mind anything but it, sure that it wasn't going to fly off from my control, I realized the whisp was gone and the air around me had turned heavier, harder to breathe.

I was heaving breaths as a matter of fact, and looking at the fire in my hands I realized I must be putting way too much oxygen into it, denying my lungs its fill. I tried to cut the line with my will, as I had been taught, but I found myself unable to do so. Fear morphed from wonder and cold dread filled me staring at the flames that now seemed ominous. My breathing was shallow now and my mind was swimming, when in between the flames I began to catch sight of something else.

The fire rose now, furious and climbing high, and behind it, I could see...

No. This was madness. And that wasn't the way home, not through what seemed like a recent medieval battlefield.

I tried to put it out now, desperate for this dream to end. I cried when my hands began to burn and the pain came back with a revenge. It ate my hands and my chest, my hair and finally my head. I screamed and cried and pleaded until I lost consciousness, taken away by a kind of pain I had never felt in my whole life.

* * *

 

When I woke I wasn't home, and I was seriously wondering if this was a dream.

The place where I had been before, where I met Learning could well be a dream even if it wasn't my typical dream: details weren't clear enough and I had to focus on things to actually get them. Though seemingly solid everything had the tint of illusion and mutability to it or the usual overly-solidness that permeated dreaming, as if the subconscious didn't really know how to conjure some things without tactile information of it that simply wasn't available. This... this was different.

I could see every leave, every crease in the bark of the tree swaying in the breeze in front of me. Gravity felt like a punch to the gut and I fell to my knees with my hands closely following. I would have fallen completely had I not lowered my gaze and saw the corpse straight in front of me. As if prompted my sense of smell returned carrying the sweet smell of rot and before I could think about it I was scrambling to get away.

A few meters away I stood on shaky legs and turned to gaze the world around me. A hysterical laugh rose.

"Toto, I've got a feeling we are not in Kansas anymore... "

Laughter dimmed into small giggles and I stood like that, shell-shocked for a whole few minutes before the sound of my stomach growling snapped me out of it. I looked down at myself, at my hands and clothes. My skin wasn't burned by the flames conjured and my clothing was intact for all it was worth, a set of pJ's wasn't going to be much help against the elements if I had to spend the night outdoors. I touched my cheeks when something fell to the back of my hand and found it with running tears. I wiped my eyes and nose with my sleeve and began to actually pay attention to my surroundings.

I was in a clearing in what was obviously a forest. Dead men were strewn around dressed in outdated armors, with arrows protruding from their bodies and blades fallen from their hands mixed with guts. I swallowed the lump in my throat and felt tears come into my eyes. Oh, I didn't feel sorry for these people, whomever they were, I couldn't even if I wanted, with fear and despair chocking my every breath.

Pain flared up again in my veins, and when I looked down at the hands I had unknowingly fisted I found them engulfed in flame. I brought them up and touched one with the other. All hope died in my heart that I was simply living the worse idea of a prank or the maddest of a kidnapping. Fire simply didn't come out of anywhere back on Earth, unless... yeah, perhaps not everything was lost. I put them down and when I opened them the flames dissolved.

I sniffed, gagging at the smell of the corpses and began to plan.

I needed a phone, or an embassy, or some semblance of civilization. One does not simply appear in a place like this, with powers like this, without some messed up tech behind it. Perhaps some governmental organization had experimented with me somehow, or perhaps I was simply someone from the Subworld coming into her powers. I hadn't taken a radioactive bath recently, so I could safely rule out superhero, but perhaps alien might be a fitting explanation.

Yeah, an alien who was put in the middle of Westworld: Medieval Edition. Yeah, that was it.

Oh God, please let it be it!

Ok, so civilization and a phone.

I would need to find a road first. And have something to eat if I was to walk. And something to carry water with me.  And some money in case I came across a town. And - and shoes. Some painkillers might be too much to ask for in this situation.

With a shambly plan in place, I proceeded to steel myself and put me in the mind of a rock.

After all, how bad could looting corpses in real life be?


	5. To loot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little late, but still around the promised date.  
> Dishonored and University are eating out my time - plus this one was a nightmare to edit.  
> Enjoy!

In spite of my bravado, it was a good time standing there doing nothing before I finally found the will to get close to the corpses.

The smell was truly repellent, not the strongest I had found in my life but combined with the knowledge of where it came from, it easily took up first place for the worst one - yet I managed by sticking to the narrative my mind had woven: I am an escapee from some experimental facility, I need resources if I want to survive. I am an alien from another planet, I need resources if I want to survive. I am a witch that came into her power, I need resources to survive and throw Van Hellsing off my track. I am trapped in another world and with brand new powers, I need resources to survive until I come across some friendly beavers that can take me in and spoil me rotten. I am the Dragonborn, and I need resources if I want to survive enough for the Empire to catch me and Alduin to save me from having my head chopped. I am Commander Shepard and this are my favorites resources to loot in the galaxy... The list went on, and I still was a ways from the bodies.

Containing by breath I kneeled in front of the first man, avoiding looking at what had once been a perfect human face, focusing on the things he had instead - I couldn't think of them as people, not with what I was doing. He wore leather armor and a nice set of pouches in his belt, I checked them first and found them empty, so I manned up and put my hand between the folds of his armor. I had to run to retch to a bush and my hands remained as empty as they began, but I had seen a nice dagger still strapped to his leg, so I took it and felt more secure by holding it in my hand. I also took his belt to sling the dagger from, moving the body around with the lesser contact I could manage. On another, I found a few copper coins that didn't bid well, a pouch of fresh-smelling herbs and a few flasks that could be something to drink.

Obviously who had killed these men had also looted them while still fresh, so after a careful perusal and retching a few more times in my bush I ended up with five copper coins, big and rough, whose stamp I couldn't recognize for the life of me, the dagger, a short bow that had proven the only one I could draw alongside a few arrows, the flasks I could use as bottles, the herbs, a small knife with a sharpening stone and a few bruised apples bundled in a cloak. The part of me that was a gamer itched to kneel again and strip one of those bodies from its armor. The part of me that was human passed from the experience, was repulsed and driven to the walls by it, and if the fact that I still hadn't bucked the belt around my waist, put the cloak on or taken a pair of boots that would fare better than my bare feet against the unforgiving ground, I wasn't going to risk taking anything else from these fellows.

Bacteria were everywhere after all, and I was never going to wear something taking from a rotting corpse - a shiver went down my back at the mere thought.

After making sure the few things I had gained were secured, my stomach as settled as possible and my legs steady, I looked up to the sky to try and place the north. With the sun going down in the west and trees all around I couldn't see much about where I was to go, so I decided to follow the slight dip from the terrain to the south and see where it led me. If I was lucky I would find a body of water soon enough, if I wasn't... well, the colorful liquids inside the bottles would prove useful either placating my thirst or killing me. Now to hope that my bare feet and sedentary legs would be up to the challenge.

With a place to go and an objective in mind I didn't have more excuses to linger here. I turned my back on the clearing and forgot the details of it as soon as I did.

* * *

I didn't know how many time had passed but the shadows on the ground were large and threatening now.

I was utterly lost in the forest, unable to tell but by the sun peeking through the canopy if I was going in the right direction and it wouldn't be long until I had to stop to pass the night. I hadn't truly appreciated the gift that the land of dreams had been until now: despite my mellow pace my legs felt like lead, the earth would have been soft and calming had it not been by the fallen branches that seemed determined to poke at the soft soles of my feet, whatever that creature had shot at me was burning still within me, more painful the more tired I felt. I was hungry and thirsty as well, and to put a cherry on the cake of this perfect day, cold was seeping into me - and I fucking _hated_ cold!

The later was the least of my troubles, I wouldn't have any trouble creating a fire even without matches due to Learning's lesson - which was a blessing because I wasn't too keen on trying to lit a fire by rubbing sticks, the next thing I'd known would be that I had taken some big fruit, painted a face on it and deemed it my new best friend.

When the shadows began undeniably scarier I stopped. As my experience with camping was null, anyplace was as good as the next.

Leaving my meager possessions against a trunk I set to the task of gathering branches and dry leaves for the fire with the help of my feet. As I had no idea how much fuel would a fire - even one of magical nature - need to burn through the night, I gathered as many armfuls as I could handle without getting too far and losing sight of my things. Once the kindling was organized I cleared a circle in the ground next to the place I planned to sleep on, organized part of the wood in an organized pyramid and lit it with my hand.

The fire quickly became a nice source of heat and I was happy then than the cloak I had picked up would stay far from my body. I ate one of the bruised apples, regretting that I didn't have more food nor water and that my hands were dirty because of sifting through the wilderness - the fact that I had dirt under my nails was quite maddening actually, but there were heavier issues sitting on my mind so I was able to let it rest. Sadly none of those dead guys had carried a notebook and a pen with them, otherwise, I could have tried to write a diary or something just to have something to do in between eating and sleeping.

I would cut anybody's hand unprompted right now just to have my phone and a source of wi-fi nearby, as one good man once wrote: that which is essential in not visible to the eyes... or something like that. That wasn't set to be, however, and without a distraction, my mind began to wander into places I'd rather not.

Had that shadow over that trunk been quite so dark a second ago? What was that noise? And, were those eyes looking at me from the underbrush?

Having an active imagination and a healthy pop-culture diet was a curse sometimes.

I couldn't sleep quite so early yet, I would wake too early while it was the coldest, so I decided to do the only thing I could really think of doing to pass time: practice this weird power that had been given to me.

Invoking fire on my hand was now quite easy. Learning had said that all that I needed was intent and focus, so I forced as much of those things within me to the forefront and began ordering the little happy flame. It rose and it sunk to a little cute thing that could've passed for a golden topaz had it been more solid, I made it twist and separate from my hand. It was harder to control it without a physical connection, but not so much that I couldn't do it.

It didn't take long to learn how to turn it into an orb and launch it against the trunk with the darker shadows, having the grace to lit the way - showing that there was nothing really there -, hit the tree and obey my quiet command to disperse without burning anything. Practicing warmed me in a way the fire couldn't. The pain in my veins couldn't decide whether to calm or intensify and was in that temperature you get after too much time sunbathing on the one side but not quite uncomfortable enough to switch sides yet, painful and overwhelming yet sweetly pleasant at the same time. I felt the air around me tightening and releasing with every breath, and being able to feel nature and the matter surrounding me was the most amazing feeling to go to sleep with - and the one which would be enough to appease my paranoia right now.

With the hopes that the fire would keep the creatures of the night away I put onto it as much kindling as I dared to and laid atop the cloak next to my tree, hugging my few possessions to my chest. Despite the way my mind began to craft nightmares as soon as I closed my eyes, when I fell asleep I couldn't even hear the crackle of my campfire.


	6. To dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A nice piece whose correction will give me headaches at the time I get to edit the next one.  
> Oh, well, it was nice while it lasted.  
> Enjoy!

My eyes opened to a now familiar sea of yellow-green energy and hope soared. Perhaps now that I was back here I could go back home. But no, something was wrong this time.

Despite the many pitfalls this place had with physical laws I had never felt those exclusions myself on my actual body. I had been a victim and a beneficiary but never felt those effects as if they belonged with me. Now my body felt weightless and mutable as if a mere breeze would be enough to scatter my atoms to the wind - and I was scared shitless by it as if I stopped focusing on what it meant to be human and live in the physical world would allow me to shift and... It wasn't natural, and it wasn't right.

None of this was, but then again forcing detachment from experience could only take you so far.

A Galadriel wannabee walked towards me again, and it seemed as if the world was trying to shape itself into Movie!Lothlorien but it was unable to fully grasp what was involved in doing so. This Lady was the one from the movies all right, down to the scary serious face that had haunted the dreams of my youth and I felt in my gut that despite the similar appearance this wasn't Learning, even when her voice was quite similar in its unearthly quality when it spoke.

"Would you look into the mirror?" So it was straight to that scene, huh? Not something my mind had particularly dabbled with before.

"What will I see?" She smiled softly at my scripted question, and there was something smug about it.

"Even the wisest cannot tell, for the..."

"Yeah, yeah, I know the scrip. Just show me something that will be actually useful instead of scenes of a scrapped part of the story, if you please."

She seemed irritated for a millisecond, that scary side of her that would surely come into play later rearing its head with her eyes darkening and her shine turning cooler. Terrible as the dawn indeed. Indignation was what coated her voice, however, when crafted an answer.

"Very well, come and look if you please. You do not have all day and neither do I."

I got closer, not walking but more like gliding towards the mirror that had yet to be filled. Looking down I myself wore a gown suited to a princess of the elves in tones that I can't define, conveniently covering the feet that I didn't feel moving. I stood in front of the pedestal holding the empty silver plate and dumbly looked at her, containing a witty retort at the tip of my tongue, she didn't catch the sign and just looked down to indicate that it was now  _my_  turn to look down.

Rolling my eyes I did, because going forward with what people want seems to be the only way out of this conundrums. 

I stood in front of the empty mirror for the time it took for me to feel stupid, and I was about to call this woman out of her play when the silvery surface misted over before exploding in a showing of colors that rendered me speechless first, and breathless later - and not in a good way.

My brother was reflected there, standing in my room holding my body in his arms, shaking me desperately. I had never seen his face so grief-stricken, his clear logical eyes so misted over by tears. His wife was standing at his side, looking at him with sorrow on her own eyes and whispering soothing words that he couldn't hear. My hand reached forward, intent on pressing against the surface.

My logic told me this was most likely an illusion, there was no way for me to be in that state, and there were some minor incongruences that made that obvious, yet there was some animal part inside of me screaming at the sight. Not so much of my beloved brother, whom I  _did_  love to bits now that he had his own home and we didn't compete for books or games anymore, but at the mere thought of me being dead.

That wasn't on my plans - if I could help it would  _never_  be in my plans.

"It is what is going to happen if you remain: your body decaying, your family grieving until you become nothing but a footmark on the book of their lives. And later, oblivion for both you and your early turned existence" 

On another occasion perhaps I would have stopped to analyze her tone, I could tell in later memories that there was something weird on it, but then again I had been  _drowning_  on weird since I woke in the black room. I, instead, heeded her words.

"I don't want to stay here, wherever it is! I want to go home, back to my life, and desperately so...."

She closed in and softly covered one of my fisted hands with hers.

"Then..."

"I'm not finished! I want to go home but... Whatever was done to me, wherever I am, I can't risk putting everyone at risk, not with this new powers. Best case scenario nobody knows about it. Wost one, everyone I love dies and no matter how much of an annoyance they can be sometimes, I would never forgive myself if they are harmed because of something I brought onto them."

Her face twisted, and I had a glimpse of that scary inside again.

"But surely your heart desires the comforts and familiarness of home. Surely you would at least accept an offer to know exactly where you are and how you can get home if you so desired."

I looked at her, really looked, and a question rose unbounded before I could even reflect on it.

"And what would the price of that information be?" Her face turned into a gentle smile that made my insides churn and whatever was on my veins scream and flare.

"I want for nothing, child, just a glimpse of the place you now walk in order to fulfill your wish. I want nothing but to help you."

Her offer was tempting, enormously so. Without a GPS or a simple map and an estimation of where the fuck I was it could take days to find a source of water, never mind a town where I could find out more about my situation and go around in pJ's in what seemed like a medieval fair wouldn't help matters. I had never had  _that_  bad of a lucky streak, but it would be just my thing to end up trapped in some weird medieval-cult-thingie a la Silent Hill with people out for my blood. I wanted to accept so badly that I almost forgot to take into consideration my meeting with Learning earlier in the day - and  _God_ did this day drag on and on! - or the weird fact that I had almost forgotten that I wasn't actually living through this, though to be fair I wasn't sure the rummaging through the bodies had been something I had actually  _lived_ through, I sure as fuck wanted it to  _not_  be so. I looked hard at the blue eyes of the things posing as Galadriel in front of me.

"Could you please show me your real face? It would help me get a better grasp on reality and, well, this day has been so mad that wearing Galadriel's face is more likely to scare me off than drawn me in." She - it? - smiled something that began gently and real, yet quickly morphing into predatory and dark. The light on her features went off, her pale skin paled even more and her regal clothing turned to scraps. Her features turned sharper and even more beautiful than before, her eyes a deep amber with black sclera and vertical pupils. She was the most gorgeous woman I had met, and also the one that looked more like a succubus or a harpy, and... Was actually a  _tail_ that which I saw swishing behind her? And out of her fiery hair, where those horns? "What  _are_  you?"

The question was out of my mouth before I could formulate of a more delicate form to word it, but the woman didn't seem bothered by it.

"I am Desire, and I have the power of giving you most if not all your heart craves."

"So you are like Learning? One of those misty things taking shape."

She chuckled darkly and actually  _floated_  towards me.

"I wouldn't compare myself to someone as - let's say, dull as Learning, but we are of the same kind. And we both crave to help you more than anything else." Her hand with slender fingers tipped in talons extended and caressed my cheek, and I shivered in both excitement and dread. "Would you let me do so?"

I backed a little and turned to walk the dissolving garden. Without the illusion to keep it in place I could go back to feeling immaterial - yay? - and losing myself in the delightful sight that was the green skies and barren rocky outcrops that made the place, and that without even mentioning the looming city from where I could feel eyes following me. 

The eyes did it. If she had help I wanted it, if this was all a dream nothing would happen and if this was actuality... well, I was already fucked anyways and what is the worst that could happen? I turned, determined to accept her offer when the world suddenly dissolved around me and pain flourished in my arm.

I was pulled from that place and Desire's company, only to find my left arm clamped in the jaws of a giant lizard with eerie amber eyes.


	7. To survive

I stood paralyzed for a second, shock fighting with tensed muscles and my brain trying to kick-start itself back.

Its golden eyes focused on me, like a thing out of a movie where dragons still walked the land. Its giant body was unlike any lizard I had the chance to see in zoos, yet I didn't have the time to dwell in morphology for long. The standstill we found ourselves in didn't last long, the few seconds it took the beast to realize its prey was now awake and to let go of my arm. Relief washed over me and tension began to bleed away, a part of me smugly claiming that perhaps once it had realized I was a now alert human it had lost its will to strike.

I should have remembered my childhood dalliances into the animal kingdom better.

It jumped, straight at my neck and I snapped out of my state to scramble backward as fast as I could, which wasn't fast enough. It bit into my shoulder and the pain and the feel of its teeth messing with my flesh woke something within me, a roaring feeling, unlike anything I had ever felt, spurned into action by my spiking fright and the wish to live no matter what.

A quick glance told me the fire was mere embers and I couldn't find any of the weapons I had collected earlier. Its jaws began to put more pressure, trying to break the bones it felt underneath and I clawed at its own scaled belly with my own useless hands. In a moment of insight, I remembered my legs, still tangled in the cloak I had slept on, raised one of them and put as much strength as my body would allow into a kick to its ribs. It growled deeply, a sound I heard sharper and louder than I had imagined, so close to my ear, but I gained nothing other than jostling it and my wound. I grunted myself and started to give it my all in order to make it let go, but it was useless.

I wasn't going to die here! I wouldn't allow myself to fall for the stupidest of deaths!

Pain surged from the inside and fire sprouted from my hands while they were hitting the lizard, and I rejoiced at the sight as I had never done at the sight of anything else in my entire life. It let them rise and heat and the beast wailed and finally let go of my neck, but I wasn't done with it. I grabbed onto the weirdly shaped crest and held as my flames spread and consumed its hyde and flesh. It howled and wailed and snapped, and had I been other person watching the scene I would have felt sorrow for the poor animal and the cruelty of the death it was being given. I was not willing to let go of it so it could go and have another chance at hurting me, his desperate pawing at my hands and stray bites were doing enough. In a haze, someone that resembled me watched the reptile finally stop whining and die, yet I couldn't stop holding onto it or the comfort of the flames until it was a charred remanent of what had once been animal.

I stood in a haze, blood dripping down the side of my neck and down my arm, staining my dirty clothing and found shiny amber eyes looking at me from the shadows. Another one of those fucking lizards looking at me from the shadows, smaller and with rounder, less aggressive shapes than the one I had killed, a youngling then.

If this was a fantasy story I would have felt regret at killing his teacher and took it in, made him my pet or my familiar and lived countless adventures together. I would like to say I was more preoccupied with it thinking of me as easy prey as a justification for what I did, but fear and anger aren't so rational so when I snarled at it and allowed flames to engulf my hands once more I wasn't really thinking through my actions - I was lucky it was only one, and that was enough to send it running for the hills. 

A bone-deep exhaustion I had never known before came as adrenaline disappeared and, feeling as if I couldn't stand any longer, I sat on the ground.

* * *

 

I stood there, alone and still with the smoky scent of my victim invading my nose until a stray ray of sun got into my eyes and made me blink and return to reality.

The smell made me retch and I scrambled back to my camp, building a fire once again and putting dry and green leaves on it to burn so that they may cover the odor. I gathered my poor possessions and looked into the flasks. Seemed like I would get to experiment with them earlier than expected.

I got rid of my shirt, stiff with drying blood and put it to dry on a branch above the fire, the temptation to burn it was there but there was no way I would wander the wilderness without something to cover myself. I looked at the liquids, most of them were red and seemed like wine, others were a dull gold and one was a bright blue that kind of whispered to me. I took one of the red ones and popped it open. It didn't smell like wine, more like crushed herbs but unless those herbs were poison ivy I would have to try and clean my wounds.

Even with the decision taken I procrastinated as much as I could, cutting a scrap of cloth from one of my pant legs to drip in the liquid, stroking the fire and making sure it was all right, eating one of my apples even though my stomach was knotted and I could barely make the bits pass my dry throat. Finally, seeing as I couldn't really asses the damage with blood everywhere, I put some of the red liquid into the cloth and began to clean my arm injury with it. 

The punctures were clean and not as deep as the ones in my shoulder, I was lucky that it hadn't gotten to my neck first or I would have never been able to wake. Despite it not smelling like alcohol the liquid made the injuries burn unpleasantly at first, before numbing it. I was about to use some in my shoulder, seeing as it didn't cause any immediate ill effects and a clean injury was better than no treatment at all, but then I caught sight of the most amazing thing I had ever seen, besides fire sprouting from my bare hand of course: the punctures were closing themselves at a visible pace. The smaller of them had almost finished when it caressed it and felt no pain. 

Entranced, I took more and applied it to my shoulder, felt the burn and the numbness that followed, and I couldn't honestly tell if it was because of the tonic or because something was actually going my way this time that I felt giddy and laughed out loud.

I decided that I would stay until the injuries on my neck were closed and began to pack my thing up. The cloak was intact thank god and I put everything in a bundle inside it, taking care with the flasks that held the healing potion. I only had two apples remaining and I would need to find food soon. My mind instantly went to the lizard I had already cooked and while a part of me reveled at the thought of claiming it as my kill, of the irony of eating what had tried to eat me, it wouldn't be so different from cleaning a burned fish, I rationalized.

I went back to the body after putting the belt with the dagger on my waist and hanging bow and quiver from my bare shoulders. A part of me was still feeling revulsion at the sight of the carcass, another felt numb yet grimly satisfied at the same time. I could survive and for now, that was enough.

Kneeling beside it I took the knife from my pocket and began the ugly task of figuring out what to do. I opened its belly, needing more and at the same time less strength behind the knife to actually do it than what I had expected and saw that its insides were still smoking. Before proceeding I took the greater dagger at my waist and used it to cut the lizard's head being careful with the blade and the vertebrae.

It was surprising that it wasn't burned while the rest of it was, its great amber eyes empty and accusing, its ivory fangs still stained with my blood... I threw it as far from me as I could before proceeding to let my bearings and continue. I didn't have anything with which I could take the meat with me and still keep it clean while doing so too with the rest of my supplies, so I decided that using its charred hide would be the next best option. Skinning something sounded far easier than what it was actually was, and my almost immaculate pants were as dirty as the top when I finished. Deciding which meat to take was even worse, even if most of it was already half-cooked, mostly because I had never had the foresight to even investigate which part of an animal I was eating while I did it. 

I ended up bundling the muscles of the sides and one leg, alongside the liver in the hide and leaving the rest for scavengers next to a trunk. If I was lucky they would take the remaining meat and leave me well alone.

I put out the fire with dirt, put my shirt back on, heaved the cloak in my arms next to the meat and pressed forward to the south.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Late, I know, but between my birthday and two assignments, I lost motivation to write or even edit and update - you've got to thank Moana's soundtrack for my sudden return to the world of the living (though as much as it helps with motivating me, it really makes hard to write fear and despair, and I think the more heavily edited part show that).  
> I hope you enjoyed this one, that suffered drastic modifications between its conception - and first draft - and this.


	8. To endure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got distracted reading articles to edit this chapter on time. It is astounding the fact that there is so little research on some finer aspects of some things.  
> Thank you for your support and your comments! They make my day!  
> Now, enjoy the feast!

Two days had passed since I had been attacked by a Komodo Dragon's cousin. Three since I had appeared in a strange place with people wearing medieval fare and killing each other.

No other animal had crossed my path, but just in case I had taken the habit to lit a circle of fire around my camp and form some sort of tether between it and the dimension from which I took the energy, making sure a soft breeze or a distraction wouldn't put it out, though there was still the risk of it going out of control and burning the whole of the forest. I had found neither water or more food, but the lizard meat had proved to be enough to sustain me through that time, and the golden liquid in some of the vials was enough to replenish my energy even if it wasn't either water or golden wine. 

Now though I was at a loss.

My last vial of golden vigor had gone with the morn as had my last bruised apple. I still had part of the reptile leg saved up for the night, but I would need to find water and more food the next day as late. A pair of shoes would also be very nice for my feet, every night I treated them with some of the healing solutions but I was afraid some of the scrapes would get infected if I kept threading through this place without any means of protection. The only reason why I wasn't feeling cold at night was my fire - and I still counted myself lucky that the pain that had been so intense the first day had receded into a dull ache I could live with.

I waited for Desire to appear to me in dreams again, but she hadn't and neither had Learning or any other misty thing with a weird name. My dreams had gone back to their usual pattern of barely remembered bizarre images of formless people, interspersed here and there with the impression of amber eyes staring at my own as everything burned. I felt like I was going to go mad by simply talking to myself in my mind all day and smell of fire and meat all night. I craved civilization and modern accommodations as I craved water and some walls for my frayed nerves, so instead of dwelling in all the possible ways I could die here, I took my time to plan out what I was going to do after I went home.

First I was going to spend a good hour on the shower, pampering myself with warm water and every single thing imaginable. Then I was going to eat and drink until I could no more, when I was full I would call in sick and sleep for a full day, and after I woke I would test my fire-powers: if they still worked I would shut the fuck up and never talk about this to anyone, if they didn't I would book date with a therapist and tell him about this weird dream I had had. That sounded heavenly and a good way to keep me sane.

Relief flooded my whole being the moment when, before midday, I say the trees thinning before me. I couldn't contain myself not even for the sake of my feet: I ran until I could feel the unfiltered sun on my face and the wind weaving through my unwashed hair. I laughed happily when I saw that my hunch had been correct before, and I could even feel tears running through my cheeks. 

For there in front of me, the terrain went down and down until a river drew itself clear in the bottom of the valley. 

Uncaring about anything else but the sight of water I began to walk towards the river.

* * *

I submerged my aching feet in the cool waters as the sun dived under the horizon, a fire fed by bushes and thin branches burning happily at my back. Despite my itching at doing nothing really productive all day I was relieved everything was turning up for the best, and I wouldn't be idle much longer. 

Putting my hand forward I called fire to it and turned it into a bright and happy orb before commanding it to float in front of me. I took my bow from my back and notched an arrow on it. This wasn't going to be easy by all means, but I wasn't a complete beginner to archery after a few summer camps and a friend who had the biggest crush on Arrow I had ever seen, so I was if not actually confident then at least reassured that I couldn't do it  _that_ bad. Now for the really hard part...

The fire was a mere dose of intent away, control required a dose of focus but I had gotten used to tether it to a specifical train of thoughts in my mind in order to keep it where I wanted and how I wanted. Now calling more than two flames and of specifical sizes and movements... That was going to be a challenge. 

From the orb flew small sparks whose fire I cooled and condensed onto a soft yellow. With care I made them fly just shy of the surface of the water while the orb provided light enough to see in the clear water. A few fish swarm near the surface and seemed attracted to my mock-light bugs. They followed the small lights closer to me, and it didn't take long for me to draw the string with the arrow and let it go towards one of those fish, and...

Failed! Damn it!

I huffed and notched another arrow as quickly as I could, uselessly staring at the fish swimming away after the disruption of their environment. The sparks had dissolved when I shot, so I reworked them and waited, feeling the chill of the evening and the waters creep through my feet, soon there would be nowhere near enough light for fishing. I failed two more times and was about to give up when I remembered that the only thing I had to eat was that horrible lizard meat with no means to modify its flavor. Now with tiredness settling in along cold, and a persistent ache in the muscles of my arms that were definitely  _not_ used to work the tension they had to fight against, I was ready to make my last attempt for the night.

I stood with my mock light-bugs attracting them to the surface of the shallows, close enough so that the arrow wouldn't lose all of its strength and be able to kill. Just aim, tense and... shoot!

A laugh came unbridled. I caught it! It had actually worked!

With an order, the orb went back to my free hand. I couldn't even muster the will to care about the small scratches the bowstring had left in my bare arm when I finally took the arrow with the fish out of the shallows. It wasn't of a species I recognized but it was meat from something I had  _actually_ eaten before and I almost cried at the sight of my accomplishment. I kissed the bow on the way back to the fire.

That night I went to sleep without hunger nor thirst for the first time in days, and it felt damn good.

* * *

Following the river was the best idea, wherever it took me I was sure to have a steady supply of food and water and people tended to settle close to water sources so I was bound to find a town eventually.

The first day I stayed in my initial camp though. After eating the rest of the lizard for breakfast I hunted some fish in the morning to last me for the day, making sure that to be careful with the handling of my few arrows, before taking a bath and washing my clothes. By the afternoon I felt so good that I dedicated the rest of the day to just play with the fire in my hands and the magic around me, looking for new ways to do things, one of which included water and playing with the heat on it. It was incredible how easy it was to feel the water vapor in the air after just a few hours of practice, way easier than learning guitar or dancing.

After a comfortably dreamless night, I woke with the sun and hunted for the day before cleaning my kills and heaving my things up. 

With clean clothes, I could almost pass for a normal woman traveling through the wilderness. My injuries had completely healed, though they left behind a few interesting scars that I had taken to trace, and I had pretty much decided to save one vial of red-liquid so I would study and replicate it once I got home no matter the cost. I had heard wolves howling in the distance but no beast other than a small snake had gotten close, and that had been roasted along with fish for dinner. 

With packs full and batteries recharged, I turned to follow the course of the river towards its mouth.

Soon it turned to be hard to keep count of the days without something to write on, as memories of one day bleed into the other with nothing to separate them, so I took to picking up a leave from a bush every morning and keep them. Days were slow with nothing to do to pass them by but walking, and with a river full of meanders and my own dislike of swimming the path was becoming a chore - and there was only so much I could defy the laws of physics without that logical part of my mind began to scream bloody murder, so instead of using fire and water and pretending I was the Avatar I turned to sing to pass the day.

I had stacked seven leaves on top of the days I couldn't distinguish and the time spent in the forest when that habit came to bit me in the ass.

Seeing a humanoid form approach felt like finding an oasis after traversing the desert... or a river after days without a steady source of water in the woodlands. I laughed and jumped, giddy with excitement at finding another and a fresh source of information. I was about to call out when I saw a movement I had never seen done in real life yet was recognizable because of the giant amount of visual media reproducing it in any form or way: that of a sword being drawn. I stopped and dread filled my gut.

Was it too much to expect for somebody not so hung up on this medieval bullshit and with a cellphone to be the one to find me? Apparently, it was, and alongside fear, frustration and determination welled up in my stomach.

I straightened my back and put both of my feet on a line with my shoulders before taking my bow and notching an arrow on it. I wasn't going to kill anybody - not that I  _could_ actually hit a target that could dock and think of a counterstrike, nor that I would harm a person, but if he or she was armed then I would be a fool not to seek for equal ground. If worse came to worst I still had my fire to scare the living daylights out of them.

When the person got close enough I could see it was a man with mismatched armor taken from bandits a la Skyrim and holding a longsword in his hand as if it was a normal occurrence, His face had non-descript factions framed by dull blond hair that could use a good washing and a full backpack from which all manner of things dangled. When he was about to step in closer than the distance I usually felt was safe to have between a naked blade and myself I raised the bow at half-draw, more than enough to give a warning.

He smiled, a sinister thing a villain would be proud of, eyes shining with ill intent. I felt my hand tense on the handle of the bow while I swallowed up the spike in fear. Think of fire, I told to myself, I survived a giant man-eating lizard thingie, a fellow human wouldn't -  _shouldn't -_  be a challenge.

"Now lass, this ain't have to be hard. Just handle over your gold and everything'll be fine."

I straightened my back and made sure to had my aim true on the side of his face before answering with a firm voice.

"I don't have any gold. Leave me be."

My adrenaline-heightened senses caught him lowering his gravity center. He was going to attack! - was the scream that blared through my mind and the tension on my muscles began to hurt.

"How am I supposed to believe that? No-one travels the world without a sovereign or two in their pockets. Handle them over or I'll take them from you!"

He stepped forward and I raised the trembling bow at full draw.

"Do not come any closer or you'll regret it!" My words sounded pathetic even to my own ears. I couldn't contain my eyes from widening and my breathing turning harsh. This wasn't a wild best but a fellow person, _what was I to do in this case?!_

His sword rose and even though I consciously knew he was still too far to harm me my fingers loosened slightly their hold on the arrow and tension defeated the strength I had put behind. Then not only he ducked it, he also came straight at me faster than I could notch, point and shoot another. Throwing the bow aside I unsheathed the dagger fast enough to parry a hit directed at my belly, my arm trembling and my heart practically pounding out of my chest. Yet this wasn't chivalrous fight, he hit me with his free hand and I was left dizzy for a second, long enough for him to take the blade out of my hands. I fought him with bare hands when he tried to rid me of my other possessions and another hit came my way.

I fell and my head hit the ground, I felt nauseous and a headache was blooming. Unbodied voices began whispering and I blocked them out, feeling the fear encasing my heart and pressing onto it, blood roaring in my ears and tension becoming unbearable in my arms and legs. Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw the bandit open my bundle and look through the things there. The sight made fear ebb slightly away, my blood boil and the pain on them I had gotten used to rose with a vengeance. When he turned to me with disappointment and malice on his eyes I didn't think.

I didn't even listen to the words he pronounced while he closed on me, the world was silent as he lifted me from my hair and forced me to look at him. One second his eyes were laughing at me, the next he was surprised looking down at his belly, from where my knife was buried. He threw me away with all the strength he could and sound came back to me as I hit the ground again. 

I scrambled to get back up now, weaponless and looked like a deer in the headlights the man that I had injured, looking for the flight response and finding myself frozen in place instead, wondering why  _I hadn't run when I got the chance!_  He pulled the knife from the would and crimson blood poured slowly yet fluidly out of it. If he wasn't willing to kill me before he sure was now.

Without any other weapon at hand I prepared to call forth fire, conflicted about what I hoped his response would be, yet the mere memory of the lizard screaming and howling and  _smelling_  as it burned was enough to make me gag as I watched the enemy approach. I backed away as he stepped forward, fighting with the part of myself that really,  _really_  didn't want to do this while another side, more cynical and tired of this fucking place claimed for me to give him the same treatment as the beast, trying to override the mammal brain and to make me _eliminate the threat at all costs_. A third side, broken by stress, noted that perhaps he just wanted to give me my knife back, and I had to admit I wasn't too keen on the idea.

Still, another side of me hidden deeper and with darker, colder thoughts even told me a sole thing: he can't be allowed to go, no with what he was about to see.

Fire rose in a circle surrounding us, ragged and wild because of my lack of focus, and I gave myself to the feel of power, drawing the heat from the air around him, calling forth that energy into my own limbs. I saw fear dawn on his face and dark satisfaction rose within at the sight of him as, if not more scared than what I had been seconds before - fear died at the sight of his own fright, blue eyes widening and stance faltering, face looking younger than before. His breath drew tiny clouds in the cold and the sun made his skin look a sickly pale, a tiny part of me hoped he would flee even though I had cut all manner of escape from him, I still felt surprised when I heard his roar as he tried a last desperate charge at me.

It took only a simple, soft gesture, casual, almost disdainful to suddenly pour all the heat I had taken back into him. And just like I knew would happen he shattered to pieces like a ceramic pot straight out of the fridge and into the oven,  and I just stood there in my fiery circle, looking at the small bits and pieces of what  _seconds_ ago had been a man - a man  _I_ had  _murdered!_

The last thought before I lost consciousness, was that at the pace this was escalating, it would only take me two weeks to go full genocide supervillain. 


	9. Coping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can't imagine how happy all of your comments made me, I was bursting with joy - it may have helped that the horrible cold of winter finally gave way to a beautiful spring.  
> While editing I decided that perhaps I could make this work to up to 24 chapters, giving some scenes more time to flow naturally while cutting up others, that might be extended or shortened as I keep this up, but for now, the chapter count went up to that. I might also be using this to buy some time for NaNo this year without cutting up on updating - which is why I decided to make all the heavy work now.  
> I really hope you like this chapter. Enjoy!

I woke sweating and for a second the darkness compelled me to think that I was back home, waking from a nightmare where I was a murderer.

It felt too cold to be my apartment, so I wasn't all that surprised to find that it was night wherever I was.

I sat and contemplated my surroundings. For a second my brain couldn't put together why I was out in the open or what the bits of meat strewn around me meant, confusion welling up momentarily before it all came back like a tsunami and a gasp caught in my throat. It hadn't been all a dream. I  _was_ actually a murderer!

Panic swelled when a sentence sprung unbidden into my mind out of nowhere, " _offender committed the crime in an_ especially _cruel, heinous, or depraved manner",_ and my blood froze on my veins. I turned and emptied my stomach on the side while my heart thundered on my ears and air didn't seem to reach my lungs. Not only was I a killer, a person who had exceeded by a long mile the limits of self-defense and used an unnatural power to do so - I had also made sure that my actions could get me charged with capital punishment. A ringing began on my ears as my stomach dropped and heaved.  _Good going there, Marianna_.

Tears finally came to my eyes and the knot in my throat dissolved into pitiful sobs and whines. I didn't want to die, he  _had_ attacked me first!

It was not fair! I wasn't supposed to stumble into this freaking corner of the world where everyone was mad as fuck! I wasn't supposed to be the human version of a lighter! All I wanted was for this madness to end, was that much to ask?! 

* * *

My skin itching was what took me out of my shock.

My whole body felt heavy and feverish even though I was shuddering, my eyes were painfully dry as were my lips and the moment I moved my joints protested. Taking a beath to try to clear my mind was the worst decision I could take, the mixed smell of my vomit and rot made me gag and want to throw up again. I teared up again, and felt my muscles tense and ache. I wanted to curl myself into a ball and wake back home, but for everything I could wish for, everything I could scream and cry and beg about the only one who could take me home was my own self - and I wasn't going to do that by giving over into fear, guilt, and self-pity.

I violently wiped my eyes and nose with my sleeve and pushed myself into a sitting position.

Some part of me expected to have a helicopter marking me and police cars closing in - or even worse, black SUVs like in the movies -, yet the only thing moving was the river waters and the leaves in the wind. The clearing was a mess, _I_ was a mess, and yet the world kept going on and on without a care for what I had done or just how _unnatural_ it was everything I was living. No lightning struck, no cloud bled red and no brand of shame was drawn on my skin. It was as if the universe was saying to me in its own particular way that if I shut up about this then nobody would ever know - well, shut up and hide every single piece of evidence, but hey! Criminology TV series almost made that part way too easy...

With a dry chuckle, I stood, trying to ignore how the patches of skin that had been exposed to the relentless sun burned, how my clothes carried the acrid stench of stomach acid or how my hands trembled. I couldn't waste a second now.

Nobody could ever know of this. Nobody would _ever_ know of this.

I tore a piece of my sleeve and tied it around my nose, trying to get it to filter the smell and mentalized myself for what I had to do still.

The sensible side stabbed me straight in the heart with the feeling of just how desolate my family would feel if I just didn't come home one day, bringing forth the scared gaze the man had worn in his last seconds and just how _wrong_ it was to still feel empowered by it, how I had possibly denied _children_ of their father and a mother of her son. Another part of me screamed that the world was better off without one wrongdoer, almost drowning the thought that I was now one myself, and the scary side that I wished I had never heard or heeded was saying that if I had a fishing rod those little pieces of meat the man had been turned to would make a great bait...

I puked again, ruining every improvement I had managed with the precarious bandage on my nose, completely horrified that those thoughts had come from _me_ , yet finding them completely in character. I had practically built my career on the creed that scrap was just another resource, and what was the piece of human trash I had put down nothing if not scrap and...

No!

_Don't go that way!_ I begged myself. Anger was fine and good, anger would help me and keep me alive... But needless hate? Self-justification? That was a highway to hell if there was one. I couldn't shake those feelings, I couldn't put them down as badly as I couldn't put down the part of the that still wanted to explore just how easily had it been to make a man break like a ceramic pot, or how damn _good_ it had felt to turn the tables on him and watch him cower before my power, but I could choose not to heed them.

Still, if it was either self-justification or a deadly depression the road was pretty clear to me.

With a sigh and the tremor now expanded to my arms I tried to gather enough focus to try and bend the world to my will. It was harder than ever with my mind wandering towards the tension, the tremors, the stench, the sun... Everything but what I wanted it focused on. My arms felt heavy like lead when I tried to move them to act like a catalyst, thinking that if I focused on translating my intent into moves then it would work for the best, yet when I did so my head swam and the flame I had finally managed to conjure sprung out of control, bringing forth repressed memories of being burned alive before finding myself with a field full of corpses. Extinguishing it was thankfully easy now, only turn down the focus and let what was once a flame dissipate without a will - and energy - to keep it burning.

I tried it a few times more and each was worst than the last, just like the first time I had practiced alongside Learning. Frustrated and with the sun still battering relentlessly on my skin I decided to take a breath and a drink before trying again. My stomach growled and a part of me couldn't believe that I was hungry when I had _just taken a life_ , yet defying the laws of physics was a tiring business and at the end of the day the guy wouldn't go anywhere now, so I could very well take my time to clean up and try and recover what I had lost calories-wise.

I could only imagine just how good would have fishing gone with the hands that couldn't stop shaking, by the time I had finished to set up a precarious campfire I was fighting down impulses to simply hit them against something for them to stop the freaking tremor. Having lost my knife in the fight - and even then in no way willing to use it without having it boiled three times to clean away whatever bacteria it could have picked up - I resorted to tearing into my fish-meal with tender hands, a consequence of a violent washing and an attempt at soft-boiling them. I couldn't help but feel anger swell at having only unseasoned fish to eat, something I had beginning to hate with a passion.

After my meal and drinking what felt like half a river the tiredness and aches felt sharp and all I wanted was to bathe and sleep, yet paranoia was also set in. No matter what happened, I couldn't stay here any longer, the man might have had friends or companions that could be looking for him at this moment, or perhaps the use of this so-called magic produced something that could be traced when used... Still from my sitting position I tried a trick I had read about, like how if you control your breathing you could clear your mind, yet when I began to take deep breaths my mind kept jumping from one place to the other or focusing in just tense my face and arms felt. Deeming enough rest and 'meditation', I stayed in my position and focused on the task at hand again.

Fire sprung atop of my extended hand, wild and fickle, yet not actively fighting to get out of my grasp any longer. I breather easier then, feeling safer in the thought that the power I had acquired and had come to depend upon was still within my grasp. With a little more of ease and the ever-bothersome tremors in my hands diminished, I set out to do what needed to be done.

As the use of more magic at the moment wasn't something I could safely manage I had to stand, almost falling over while I tried to keep the flame lit and controlled and go back to use good old visual inspection to fulfill my objective. And so I proceeded, slowly locating each piece and burning them with the fire as hot as I could command until they dissolved into nothing. It was a long and tiresome work, and more than once my focus flickered, the grass lit too and I had to stop what I was doing to put it out - other times the smell was so overpowering that I couldn't help but to stop on my task and go back to the river to drown myself in the smells of water and wet earth to settle my stomach. Despair and frustration had a long fight inside me, one overpowering the other whether mt thoughts veered: one brought upon by the fact that despite my knowledge the work I was doing was sloppy and I was pretty sure a real CSI team would manage to find some small piece of evidence of what I had done, the other by the fact that _I was wasting time and needed to move out fast!_

The sun was low in the west when I finally finished. Hunger and thirst had begun to call for attention again, my body had passed from a distrustful aching to a pleasant numbness and I had yet to abandon this damn place and find something I could eat. There would be none of that tonight, however, as paranoia was getting me jumpy and way too stressed, and so I used my sharpened sensed and the occasional flare of fire to lit my way and gather my things back into my bundle. A shiver of guilt and disgust ran through me when I took the knapsack that had belonged to the enemy, yet I couldn't waste resources and despite the fact that he had been a psychopath who gets off on living out a medieval fantasy, he might still have been clever enough to keep a map there - or perhaps even some sort of phone if I was extremely lucky. 

The cold waters of the river stun and numbed my feet as I began to wade through the waters until I was far enough from the shore, and then with a simple gesture, I performed my last act of magic for the day, burning everything in the place I had been and fought and killed. With the hopes that if the place was found it would be harder to distinguish whether it was a cover-up from a murder or a camping experience gone wrong and that all the things I had done would make it harder for them to track me down, I began to walk downstream through the water.

I alternated between a careful walk and a quick jog that lasted only as long as my lungs didn't burn, all caused by my hearing noises of rustling leaves and creaking branches in the nearby bushes, perhaps an animal scurrying here and there but I certainly never stayed to find out. The sun hid and light fled, and I began to look for old friends among the stars, trying to distract myself by figuring out the constellations I knew... Except, I knew none of this stars.

Tears welled up as my numb feet kept threading the waters. Wind buffeted my body and I bundled up in my cloak as much as I could. How was it possible for me not to recognize the stars? I had been to both, southern and northern hemisphere and had seen Polaris and the Southern Cross more than once in my life, the thing with them was that no matter where you were, they would always be your compass and help you find the way home. Had I fallen in the only pocket in the world where neither were visible? Was my luck that bad?

The only time in the night when my mind wandered away from depressing topics was when the sky got fully dark and for the first time in a lifetime I was able to see before my very eyes the galaxy disk crossing the sky from one side to the other - it was a glorious sight that took my breath away, and from then onwards I distracted myself by trying to make out the arms between the mass of stars.

I didn't know how much I walked that night, always keeping my ears sharp and trying to catch any sound that could indicate I was being followed. I finally stopped when no bundling up could shake the tremors away from my limbs, and I waded out of the water and quickly set a precarious camp before I fell over.

I finally closed my eyes and let myself give way to sleep. The last thought I could single out before everything became mist was the deeply ingrained wish for me to wake up in my bed to the sound of my alarm and that all of this had been just a weird dream - I was so desperate that I would even take a hallucination brought up by a psychotic attack as an improvement by now...

* * *

My heart thundered in my ears and my breathing was harsh when I woke.

Dawn was only insinuating itself in the east and I couldn't for the life of me remember what had taken me out of my sleep. My limbs felt heavier than when I waded through the river and all those small aches had come back with a vengeance. Thinking of making something useful for myself I set out to rekindle the dying fire and tried not to think of how readily I resorted to violence at a provocation - even less of how I didn't let matters go when I had the chance. I buried those thoughts and another came that perhaps if I had taken psychology as an elective now I would be able to understand why I did what I did... or perhaps it just might make matters worse.

To wait for enough light to hunt for breakfast, I set then to explore my new possessions.

There were two waterskins dangling from the sides that when opened let out the heavy smell of beer. I breathed them in and felt tempted to perhaps take a sip or two to take the edge of my nerves, but I feared what consequences that could bring and I preferred to be at the top of my game if any similar situation came to pass. There was a roll made of two curated skins that might be used as a bedding, and a few of what I guessed were striking stones. Inside there was a pouch of herbs not dissimilar to the one I carried myself, some bruised fruit and hard bread, and a pouch full of silver and bronze coins, with a single golden one resting along them that I supposed, was made of gold. There were a few elaborate dresses there too, of fine craft and with embroideries that seemed handmade, and a few daggers with ornate handles that had to belong to the same person my enemy had taken the clothes from. I measured the dresses against my body, but they were made for a thinner, daintier woman and wouldn't fit past my hips. No clue of a map or even a scrap of paper with some sort of note - and obviously, why did I even thought that one of this physchopats would deign themselves to carry a piece of tech with them? It would have been nice to change chothes and find a pair of shoes, nevermind to find a way home, but at least I would suffer as bad of a back ache for sleeping in the bare ground. 

With the sun already casting light over the world I took my bow and arrows and went to the river to get some fish, only to find that whenever I tried to steady my aim I could manage it. I shot two failed arrows before I finally have up and decided to eat what I had found before tyding up my things and moving on. I couldn't stay or rest, I had to put distance between me and what I'd done - and not only physically, all this feelings would become a nuisance in the long road, there were only so many days a human can go on without eating after all and with my already poor hunting capabilities impaired I wouldn't get far.

While changing my things from the lizard pelt to the backpack I couldn't help but be sadenned to leave it behind. It had served me well, it had been the first proof that I had managed to survive - and yet it was also a painful reminder of how I really didn't had limits, it kept bringing forth images of not only me burning an animal to death while keeping my hands intact, but also of me tearing a man to pieces. Still, perhaps... WIth my mind made up I set to work, quickly tearing into the leather with my clean knife. When I finished I had a precarious set of feet-wraps that would at least protect me from pointy rock is the way - and I didn't felt like I was waisting the animal's life all over again.

Heaving the backpack in my shoulders with my quiver having from it, bow in the shoulder, dagger at the waist and knife back hidden in the back of my pants I left my camp and kept following the course of the river. With any luck my encounter with the man had been an isolated incident and I wouldn't be either  _forced_ or  _tempted_   to resort to such methods anymore...

At least, that is what I hoped.


	10. Finding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Deciding to add chapters was not as good of an idea as I originally thought - mostly because my mind can't quite make up which order of events would be best and it is making me go insane! Also, I had Thermodynamics partial last Friday and half my brain is still running like a vapor machine with low performance...  
> Anyways, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy this!

I screamed when I felt  _something_ hitting my side. Air left my lungs and my eyes moved desperately, trying to focus on what was pinning me down and hurting me. Fire swelled in my veins and I let it burst out, only for it to vanish the second it reached the outer layers of my skin. 

This couldn't be happening now.

I kept fighting despite the unbearable burn on my nerves or the fact that the air didn't seem to reach my lungs. I kept fighting because I knew that if I gave up I would never wake again, and when I finally managed to dislodge my enemy from its position, perched upon me I found myself with cold brown eyes looking at me from the shadows inside a dark cowl. 

I sought for a weapon, feeling something amiss even as I found the handle of the knife I carried, when my attacker lunged at me I didn't even think about doing otherwise. I stabbed them, and the sensation felt so familiar that it managed to pull me out of my state long enough for my opponent to take a swing and force me back. This time it was I that lunged at them, needing my weapon back if I was to survive now that the power I had come to rely on wasn't handy. We grappled and it didn't take long for one to lose balance and our fight to go back tot he ground, only this time I had the upper hand.

A violent shiver went up my spine and an unknown voice whispered  _inside my skull_.

_"You can't survive this fight without magic, my dear. You are nothing but a commoner, a peasant, and a child. How could you defeat what lurks within this place?"_

The enemy suddenly winning the upper hand distracted me from the voice. There was a strange dissonance within it as if it wasn't fully convinced of what it was saying yet I really didn't have the focus to spare to fully analyze it. I tried calling forth the magic again and the burn intensified until I screamed, the world in front of me as unyielding as it had been when I had lived within the confines of my comfortable life. I rolled out of my opponent's way and tumbled to the side, raising a leg in time to kick an incoming arm and trying to get a better bearing on the situation. The air suddenly felt darker and even more oppressive than before, and I only had a second to look at the spark forming in their hands before I was ducking and rolling out of the way of lightning - but one can never be faster than light.

It hit and my muscles were now spasming alongside my nerves. I was paralyzed, on my knees, seeing them approach me and draw a sword from under their cloak where leather armor covered a lithe female chest in which my knife was still buried. If only I could reach it...

The sword was just being raised above my enemy's head when the paralysis wore off and I jumped at them, making them fall again to the ground. I put all my weight on their midsection and ducked their first punch, trying also to get to the blade and get it as far away from my body as I could. The second hit landed just when I had managed to grab the weapon by the blade and was trying to throw it away. I heard it land not too far behind us, but as long as the enemy was under me it wouldn't matter anymore. I thought I had felt her muscles jerk in surprise and growing panic when the voice whispered again.

_"I can help you, you know? Just say the words and I will give you more power than you've ever had... You would never be in danger again."_

"Just shut the fuck up!" I screamed at it when my enemy threw me off them again.

She scrambled for the dropped sword, casting ice in one hand that burnt my leg where it touched it, but I didn't relent. If she reached it I didn't know if I would have the strength to take it off her grasp again. I took her leg and pulled her back, she turned and I didn't stop to think when I saw the handle of my knife in sight. I took it from where it was buried in her side and surged, pinning her quickly under me and stabbing into the curated leather until she was gasping and blood was gurgling from her throat.

I sat back, adrenaline still running high and fear to ebb, shock at what I had done mixing with the joyous feeling of surviving. I had overcome the threat, all was good now.

And then the voice chuckled in my head.

_"Think you've won, didn't you? Look again."_

Deep within me, something told me not to follow that command, but by that time it was already too late. My gaze lowered and I found that the cowl had fallen, revealing my face looking from atop the woman I had killed. I stood there, shocked and unable to tell how that was possible when suddenly arms circled my body from my back and tore me from the sight. The whispering came back with a fervor.

_"I can protect you! Just let me in!"_

I screamed and kicked and punched, but nothing seemed to baffle my new enemy. Whoever it was turned me in their arms and suddenly I found myself face to face with a picture out of a horror movie: a stitched up version of the man I now remembered I had killed.

"Now's my turn to do the killing, little girl."

His broken fingers began to tear into my flesh, I screamed in pain and fear and then a pulse surged from deep within me and I knew no more. 

* * *

I woke with my heart thundering and my breath unable to calm once more.

The sun was still under the horizon and the night was particularly cold. My nights had become a constant nightmare, and those like that one when I could remember everything as opposed to those I could not felt like I hadn't even slept at all. Phantom pains made everything worse.

I had counted a week since I had committed my heinous offense, and I avoided to think of it as much as I could during the day only to be tormented by it at night. I sung, and drew with sticks and did everything within my power to try and distract my brain with other things before tiredness drove me to sleep, only to wake with the feelings welling in my throat and tears in my eyes. The nights like this when the voices came along with the memories were the worst ones yet, I suspected I was developing some form of schizophrenia or some other mental illness, and even though they offered help there was something in their tones that didn't really inspire trust.

Then again, after being attacked by both beast and man - though an argument may be made to put both examples into the 'beast' category - I wasn't willing to trust anything but myself.

I repeated then my routine of waiting, go to the river and hunt some fish. The trembling was still there but I had found that the same breathing exercises that helped my aim be true could be redirected to control the tremors - so far it had helped. Once my food was cleaned I cocked what could pass for a breakfast, prepped the rest of the meat for the day - and being the walking equivalent of a cooler was really helpful there - and freshened up before packing up and going my way.

The possibility of hunting down some cute rock, draw a face on it and call it Wilson was getting more tempting the longer I spent alone. There was only so much talking to yourself you could do before a small part of you began answering things you didn't like.

Once I packed up I would set on my way, following the river still. It was beginning to seem like it was all it had ever been and all it would ever be, me following a stupid stream with interludes to kill things and sleep. I felt highly compelled to fall into hysterics by now, but instead, I simply adjusted the weight on my back and began to sing some song I liked and dreaming that a plane would fly over me anytime now while my tortured feet bit the dust. 

* * *

I was deciding whether to keep walking or simply sitting on the side of the river and turn into an evil weeping willow who ate people would be a better use of my time when I found the first sign on civilization since the dead bodies in the clearing.

A dirt road with only one lane crossed my way and began to run alongside the river, coming from the west and the terrifyingly immense field of hills and grasslands that was in that direction. My heart soared within my chest at the sight of clear, pressed earth and rolling marks. Even with it not being a paved road I couldn't help but feel like I was _finally_ at the end of this nightmare. Without a doubt, I speed up until I reached it and almost moaned in pleasure when no more rocks hidden under grass poked at my feet.

WIth joy burning inside me I began to follow it alongside the river, feeling safe for once knowing that it didn't matter if I followed the river any longer: I was sure now to reach a town eventually if I followed the road.

The day moved along and so did my happy thoughts, replaced quickly by anxiety and self-consciousness. How was I going to go back in a pair of pJ's that might as well be rags by now, with a cloak on my back and a bow on my shoulder and simply ask to use a phone? How was I to pay for a meal or a room if all I had were freaking golden coins of the last century or older as the only form of money? I didn't even want to think about the possibilities of finding a whole town full of insane people who lived in isolation from the wide world out there, that would be too much.

As if following my mood, winds carried clouds from the south and it didn't take long after midday to begin to rain - I guess everyone's luck has to run out eventually.

I went out of the road then, walking to a group of trees not far away, where I could find shelter and - hopefully - dry wood for a fire. After setting a campfire I sat to wait for the rain to pass, but when the light began to quickly diminish I decided to camp there for the night. I was dying to get to civilization, but that wouldn't do me any good if I died of pneumonia just before reaching it. 

After collecting some more wood and going to the river for the fruit of nature, I set my leathers down and began the task of using magical tricks to avoid manual labor, this time in the way of  _bending_ the water in the branches above me to weave them together and form some sort of roof. When my camp for the night was completed I couldn't help but smile a little, remembering the Fellowship camping in Eregion and thinking that, in a way this was similar. I couldn't risk forming a ring of fire around me for protection after creating my wood shelter, but perhaps I could find a way to make it so that if a mountain lion or  _something else_ approached or touched the wood or a certain area I would waken to face them. 

It was hard to manipulate the energy I took from the Fade into more abstract concepts - the logical bases one could use for codding where still there, but one had to weave the commands and create the language  _with your mind_ all at the same time! I had tried to create a few classical spells by tying will commands to some words a la Harry Potter, but it seemed like this system that ran this universe was one without memory and I ended up needing to concentrate twice as hard to use those so-called spells. Creating wards was kind of like connecting a sensor system: you installed the sensor, set the configuration of the controller - in this case, anything weighing less than a domestic cat wouldn't be a reason to wake me -, and finally connected it to an actuator that would perform some action. I would have been amazed at how easy it felt if I hadn't been playing around with these concepts since I came into this strange power.

Belly full, wards set and rain defeated, for the time being, I set down in my leathers and closed my eyes - begging to my brain  _pretty please_ not to conjure some sort of nightmare to keep me entertained this night... 

* * *

A hand covering my mouth startled me out of my sleep. For a second I thought it was one of my Fade dalliances - they certainly felt very similar to when I walked the normal world but for the weird particle thingie -, but I could feel the Veil as a barrier I was at the wrong side of. With that level of detail, it couldn't be a dream, I wouldn't be conscious of it if that was it.

I opened my eyes to see golden, cat-like eyes - with the eerie shine and all! - topping a dark expression.

The rush of adrenaline running through my body was so sudden that my breath got stuck on my throat and the light of the dying embers seemed overly-bright all of sudden. As if in slow-motion I felt my hand raise and, almost softly, move to pry the invading appendage from myself. The fight or flight impulse relented a bit when it followed my desire and was removed, however, the tension returned when I felt  _something_ in the periphery of the extra sense that was always conscious of the Veil and the Fade around me, and I rolled out of reflex when I felt the ground behind me swarming with energy.

I was about to stand when a whisper in a language that sounded all rounded and weird and unlike anything I had heard on my life, I  _did_ recognize the tone, however, as one of warning or urgency. Remembering the cage I had created out of the tree branches I curse mutedly and my fear began to mount again before those cat-like eyes turned to me and the female voice whispered in a tongue I could understand.

"Quiet! They are going to find us!"

A small whimper stood lodged in my throat and the fear came back with the force of a tide. I noticed then that alongside she-of-the-golden-eyes there was a man holding a bow, with his back to us and his eyes trained in something far beyond our hideout. I reached out for the energy I had stored and the woman shot a sharp look before coming at me, I tied to back away from her but she was faster. She whispered furiously into my ear.

"Don't use magic here,  _felasil!_ They're going to find us!"

_Well,_ a part of me simply reasoned,  _if they do we can always teach them about thermic shock the practical way..._ I pushed down the thought - and the follow up that said that now that I knew what to do it would be very easy to do so - and focused on stopping the trembling that had resumed on my limbs. I moved them in a sweeping gesture, tied to my intent of sucking up the remaining heat in the fire embers, effectively and silently putting what little light there was off. I opened the eyes I had closed and pushed the woman a bit away from me, unable to see her clearly.

I turned and began to try and see who was looking for my impromptu companions, and I was baffled by the shine of scarce moonlight on metal. There was a man wearing a breastplate, a fucking breastplate - what was next, a freaking dragon-rider? There were five of the armored men, checking the road and its sides with torches in their hands and spears, axes or swords in the other. My muscles tensed, and did so, even more, when I felt the same something I did before, only now I could pinpoint that it was in the Veil. I glanced at the woman and almost as if someone had moved a switch in my brain I could  _feel_ her calling energy from the other dimension and preparing for a spell - I could even see her lips muttering something in her strange tongue!

A new fear grew and I reached out to her. She shot me a look and shook my hand from her arm before finishing her spellwork. I was surprised to feel the energy swirling around me and invoking mist out of nowhere. I shook my head, this was not in the rulebook I was given for how the world worked, water vapor didn't simply materialize out of nowhere without any change in either pressure or temperature or any other physical variable. This simply wasn't possible! 

The mist, however unnatural it might be, worked as a way to distract those men from their evident pursuit and I kept enough sense for a time not to try and tamper with the newly formed matter. 

As soon as enough time had passed since we had heard or seen their lights my breath easied, my muscles realized and I turned toward the people with me. They had a lot to explain and...

Wait, were those  _pointy ears_ _?_ What the hell was wrong with this people?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elven phrases picked up from FenxShiral's amazing Project Elvhen, and damn if this doesn't take me back to the days I wrote LOTR fanfiction and made-up words by using the Silmarillion's appendix... I still keep a few names for characters I created then, they reappear from time to time.  
> And now I've come full circle, oh joy!  
> Sadly this ended up being something completely different from my original plan... Oh, well.


	11. Striving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay with this one! I had it down on a notebook and my laptop didn't cooperate when I had to type it - and then my sisters dragged me to watch movies with them, and then, partials and assigments long overdue! Oh my, what a crazy few weeks! It didn't really help that this chapter refused to be cut - and that is not counting that a good chunk had to be rewritten because evernote got into the habit of not saving my progress sometimes....  
> While I was editing I remembered just how full and complete the spell trees felt in Origins, and now I don't have the time to go back for a mage playthrough so... There is that. There is also the fact that I seem to have an enjoyment for writing people who are in a disturbed mental state - at best - that is not very healthy.  
> Thanks for your comments - and patience - and I hope you enjoy this!

Going back to sleep was out of question, as was lighting a fire.

I sat across from the two people invading my refuge, tension uncomfortably clashing with relief and another whole myriad of feelings I didn't even what to think about. Like how well my quest for civilization would fare if there were men walking openly in plate armor...

The feel of the Veil being manipulated called back my attention, and it wasn't long before the woman had managed to conjure some sort of green light orb that floated until it was in the middle of the clearing, radiating a soft heat that I didn't realize I needed until I felt it. I shivered despite that, trying to deduce if the mist of magical presence would be enough to hide its shine from the outside but I decided against questioning her.

It was in my best interest not to anger the only other  _enhanced human_ I had found thus far in my life. 

The man whispered at his companion in the weird language of them and this time I didn't even bother to try and identify it - unless some of them lent me a mobile with internet or some alien universal translator I would be as lost as I was then. She answered in the same tongue, and though she did so in a different tone, almost conciliatory compared to his rather brusque one I had the distinct impression they were talking about me - practically confirmed when in the next round of words the man waved at my direction.

Despite the fact that it was rude of them to speak in a language they evidently _knew_ I couldn't understand at least they weren't trying to harm me in any way and that soothed my frayed nerves quite a lot. Once fright was out of the equation - and I _definitely_ decided to ignore the welling anger, no sense in alienating them or getting myself all worked up for nothing - I focused on my curiosity instead. Honestly, they were some of the weirdest people I had ever seen, and that was counting the bandit-wannabe and a mountain of cheap cosplays. 

They both wore cloaks atop leather chestpieces, the man had pants and the lady a skirt. He carried a set of weird-looking daggers and the aforementioned bow, while she had some sort of polearm as her only means of defense - though in the dim lighting it looked more like a simple branch. From under their hoods, their piercing eyes shone with unnatural intensity, all framed by long tresses and a glowing skin whose color I couldn't hope to identify with all the interference. I tried to peek discretely for the pointed ears I thought I'd seen but they kept moving away from my line of sight. Shrugging mentally and turning my attention from them I began instead to try and deduce how in the seven circles of purgatory could a _green light orb_ emit the soft waves of heat that so inconspicuously warmed me.

I was about to prod it with my own 'magical senses' when the woman turned and directed a pointed look at me.

"Do not perform magic yet, they are still too close."

I frowned at her words. "You already did it, if they were to find us they would have already."

She seemed to shrug at that. "True, but I'm an adult and you are a lone child. You can't have yet the same control of the ways of the Fade as I do."

I almost huffed in consternation. In which world was she older than me? She looked my age, if not younger, and even though I couldn't argue about the control without more information I definitely could go against her age argument. Still, that wasn't the point right now. They seemed to be the sanest people I had seen in a long while, and we were in the 21st century - and if there were something media had taught me was that in this times nobody, not even government experiments or out-of-time soldiers, went anywhere without a cell-phone handy.

"Would you happen to have your mobile with you?"

This time even the dim-light couldn't hide the way she frowned, and I could almost feel her companion's eyes piercing straight to my bones. My eyes focused as if drawn by a force stronger than gravity, on the way his hand tightened on the grip of his bow or how his other hand tapped restlessly against his tight. Memories sharp and bright of how I had felt when attacked by that bandit came to me in a rush, undoing all my relaxation and forcing me to think in how would I fare against two opponents now: one who definitely would be better at archery and melee than I was, and the other who shared the same powers I did. I could almost feel my heart fall the moment I rationalized that this time I wouldn't have any form of advantage on my side...

A sharp, if quiet, call from the woman brought me back to my state, only to realize I was hyperventilating and that she had gotten close - closer than I felt comfortable with even though they both were probably proficient distance fighters. I scrambled back while my hands the comforting touch of the handle of my knife. She stopped in her steps and her face changed slightly before she backed slightly and, slowly, took her polearm from her back. I felt my muscles tense even more and my fist closed on my weapon before she left it in the ground, and I was about to let go and try to relax when I caught sight of a very familiar movement in the periphery of my visual field. Tightening the grip on my blade I went to duck and call forth the energy from the Fade, no longer a doubt in my mind with respect to the threat they represented - and then I felt the throbbing in my veins disappear and the energy I had gathered dissipate. 

Fear toppled over like a wave and it was like that fucking dream all over again. She jumped at me and I unsheathed my knife, desperate to defend myself now that I couldn't even  _feel_ the energy beyond the Veil - this wasn't a dream, however, and my already poor martial skills were rendered useless in what I felt like a second when she grabbed me on a hold. Her hood fell then, and her pointed ears cut sharply between the strands of reddish hair. I buckled and thrashed under her but it was of no use, no matter what I did I couldn't dislodge myself from her and that only made my logical thoughts to flee faster. I could hear her whisper in her strange language again, and before I could even think I felt the energy from the Fade encase my limbs and force them to stay in position.

Cutting through the haze of fear and anger were then her golden eyes straight in my face. Her voice was low and angry.

"Stupid _lan!_ We have done nothing to you! And you!" She said, turning to her partner. "Don't be so fast to jump into conclusions! One would think the  _shem_ is not the only child in this clearing!"

I growled, feeling the return of the telltale ache in my nerves, but before I could even think of casting some sort of counterspell she turned back at me and with a raised hand nullified me again. This time the sound that came from my throat carried an anguish that made my eyes burn. Had I come this far only to fall by the hands of a fellow Tolkien fan? It took much more than a simple lapse in reasoning to undergo surgery to have elven ears after all, traumatic backstory or not. I closed my eyes, not wishing for them to see me this undone and feeling a pit open deep in my chest, and then... 

And then nothing but a soft caress on my immobilized cheek. 

I opened my eyes again to see a kind and soft smile directed at me - and that was all that was needed for me to finally lost it. I ended up hugging her to my chest and crying all over her shoulder, all the despair and bad thoughts and solitude of the last few weeks pouring out of me at that simple gesture. My sobs turned even worse when her hands began to softly stroke my back. She just felt so thin and delicate between my arms, so human, and I hadn't realized how much I needed to simply hug another human-being up until that point.

At that time I didn't honestly care if they gave me up to some lab to experiment or if they killed me later, all I wanted was for that woman to keep hugging me and stroking my back and keep murmuring soft words in that language of hers. I wanted to empty all of my grievances on her and have her - or anyone really - tell me it was all going to be okay, that I would be home soon and that all of this would be nothing but a bad dream that I would soon enough forget about. Of course, the reprieve didn't last long, because as soon as my mind calmed enough I realized I was hugging a stranger I had considered a threat a few minutes ago and I stiffened. She backed a bit, now softly stroking my arms in a gesture so familiar that I couldn't help but relax again. Her voice was the gentlest thing I'd heard in a long time then.

"Feel better now?" I nodded and backed a bit more, feeling uncomfortable and trying to trample on all the accusing thoughts swimming through my head. She simply smiled. "I understand that you can be afraid, being so young and a mage alone on the road, but I have to ask you that you trust me for a bit," she then pointed with her thumb towards the man at her back, "don't mind this _felasil_ here, he has no social skills."

The man simply huffed and put the bow that had caused all this trouble away, staying away himself too, as if knowing that if he got close I might react badly again - a point I was still debating with myself over. For the first time in the night, he spoke with a voice that was incredibly mellow for a man who seemed as paranoid as me.

"You're too soft. One of those days it will badly for you."

She snorted as if it was a tired argument between them. "It _did_ end well enough for you, _'Ma’isha_." When he said nothing and simply stood there, looking at us she turned and smiled back at me. "I'm sorry if he made you feel threatened, his paranoia knows no bounds. My name is Ellana, and you _da'lan?_ "

I blinked and debated whether or not to trust her with my true name - would that give her and hers some way to track me down? I didn't even know if my name was all that common! Tired of all this endless paranoia, and deciding that as long as I didn't volunteer my surname everything would be relatively fine, I answered.

"I'm Marianna."

She smiled again, an elementary-school teacher's smile that did as much to put me at ease as her polearm lying on the ground still.

"Pleasure to make your acquaintance Marianna. My _falon_ here is Shielan, and even though he is paranoid he is a good man." She paused for a bit. "I've got to ask though, what is one so young doing alone in the wilderness? Where are your parents?"

A different kind of anger from the burning one I had experienced so much from lately swelled up. This one had been familiar to my teenage self, and I couldn't help but take on a petulant stance.

"I'm not a kid, I am an adult and living pretty well by myself until the world went mad all of sudden!" Her smiled gained a knowing tilt and I gave up, deciding to proceed with my own line of questioning - starting for the most important one that would undoubtedly diminish my earlier comment. "You wouldn't happen to know where we are, would you?"

She answered after a long stare. "We are by the Minanter, somewhere between Starkhaven and Ansburg. Go up north and you'll find the Green Dales and the vineyards of Antiva."

I frowned, none of the names sounded familiar and I was quite with how wide the river was I was bound to have studied about it - and remember it - if it was in America. Did that mean that I had somehow been taken not only out of my cozy apartment but also out of my fucking country without me noticing? I winced at the thought of having to find civilization only to find a consulate where I could finally ask for help - and that was if I wasn't caught in some experimental lab first...

Or perhaps this was simply the Mississippi and these weird people who had elven ears had given it another name for their role-playing game. After all, I would win nothing for becoming even more preoccupied than I already was and there was no way to tell which was which _..._ or was it?

"I'm sorry but for some reason, the names aren't ringing any bells. Would you happen to have a map?"

She smiled sadly. "We can't afford to own them, they are priced commodities by the nobles in the area, but come morning I can draw in the ground a good imitation."

I thought I heard the man behind her snicker in amusement, but I was feeling my hope dwindle. How long could I last until I ran out of arrows to fish or will to face an enemy? And even _if_ for some strange twist of fate I managed to withstand everything else what would I do come winter without a roof and central heat to keep me alive? What if the river froze? What if a pack of wolves was to jump at the chance of a lone human? I shook my head, trying to drive all those bad thoughts away.

"Which is the closest city? Would I be able to get a map there?" A map _and_ a phone if it was possible, as it was more than evident that either this people didn't have an idea of what a mobile was or wouldn't volunteer their own - for some reason.

For the first time in the night the man, Shielan, spoke to me.

"Are your parents Tevinter Magisters by any chance?"

I frowned, thinking of the weird wording of the questions.

"They have Masters, but none of them of Tevinter." Whatever _that_ was. "What does this have to do with anything anyway?"

He gave a smile that was all teeth. "If you go to any of the main cities in the Free Marches - or any populated place in the South for what is worth - without the right kind of political backing you'll soon find yourself at the tender mercies of the Templars."

So there were Templars now too... What was next in this madness? Assassins jumping out of rooftops to air-kill them? Golden metal orbs able to control human minds? A shudder went down my back, better not think about the possibilities that could bring.

"I understand why trained soldiers would be a threat for a lone woman on the road, but surely this _power_ I've come to hold will be of any use against them."

He stiffened then, and the woman closer to me turned her head slightly to the side, allowing the moonlight to shine on the clear tattoos on her face.

"It is because of the magic we hold, _da'lan_ , that they are so dangerous to us." Said Ellana. "They can not only take away your ability to cast, but some of them can also set aflame the lyrium in our veins. You would win nothing but an early grave - or a lifetime of slaving away in a Circle - if you fight them."

My heart stuttered in my chest and I could feel my eyes widen. The more I heard, the more I thought I had managed to be trapped in some kind of weird social experiment, something worthy of Vault Tech. Every new obstacle seemed designed to test my limits and what I'd do: had I crossed those knights without first meeting these elves I would have fought them and undoubtedly lost. Again the familiar flare of anger swelling in my chest at the thought of needlessly dying, of all my life and dreams and work wasted just because of something I had no control over - a wild feeling that made a small part of me reluctant of forging on ahead, while another, bigger, wilder and louder told me that there was no going back now anyway, that collateral damage was a fact of life and that I would be better off cutting my own throat right then and there than trying to play the goodie-two-shoes only to end up in the same place in the end.

I looked at them, this woman with the kind and mysterious gaze and the man alongside her, always vigilant and wary. Had they once been like me? Trapped here, alone and confused and without a friend in sight? I deduced that not unless there was something in the air that made people forget, otherwise they would be more helpful. Was this a conspiration then? A place governments had hidden away from public knowledge? Perhaps I had  _time traveled_ somehow, and ended up in a past long lost... Everything seemed possible at the time.

I was pulled out of my thoughts by the dimming of the heating orb and the man closing into us.

"We will camp with you for the night and talk some more in the morning. It will be safer for us to be together, don't you agree?" Said Ellana.

I couldn't do anything else but nod, as there was no reasonable reason for me to deny them and their aid even though I  _really_ didn't want strangers so close to me. We all accommodated ourselves on different sides, I by my things and the dead remains of my fire, while they sat across from me against the trunk of the tree. 

I could feel the wards the woman cast, subtle and somehow stronger than my own - which was to be expected -, before resting against her companion and falling asleep. Shielan's gaze rested on me as much as it guarded the perimeter, and I had the impression that with my surging paranoia I wouldn't really be able to sleep, but in the end, when anger and fear and confusion ebbed away I was left an empty shell with only tiredness to fill it.

And so, the only thing left to do was to close my eyes, sleep, and wait for the best in the morning.


	12. Closing

It was a jarring awakening, letting myself relax and stretch for a few seconds before remembering that there were _other people_ in my refuge and that they could be dangerous. I took a moment to miss dearly those days I gave for granted of waking without feeling fear or having some voice at the back of my head yelling at me for wasting precious daytime. Gazing around from under my lashes I could see the golden light of dawn breaking through the branches and allowing a clear view of everything. I could still feel the magic the woman had weaved rubbing against my own, a weird feeling I wasn't sure I was comfortable with. It seemed safe enough with them still on their side, so I opened my eyes and sat upright.

Sometime in the night, they had gotten rid of their cloaks and now I could clearly see them: they had an athletes' complexion, with lithe arms and legs, their eyes were big but not obscenely so, and even when their ears were a bit longer than the props used in most fantasy movies they were oddly proportioned to their faces. They both wore a set of strange tattoos each on their faces, really delicate in aspect and really colorful, and even though they marked their eyes in a favorable way all I could think about was how much it ought to have hurt being tattooed so close to the eyes. They weren’t traditionally beautiful, bodies being to thin and faces too long, but they looked like they could spring at any second and put one of the vicious looking daggers they carried on my neck.

The mere thought of stabbing brought forth memories - of my own hands stained in blood, of a dream where I’d died - and I shook them quite literally before checking that all my gear was still where it ought to be. One can never be too careful.

I set out to prepare my usual breakfast, rekindling the fire they had killed last night with little more than a thought and a gesture. Clean the frost-covered fish, stab it through a makeshift spit that I had made sure to disinfect to the best of my ability with what I had, and then put it to cook in the fire. I set to check the arrows I would use later in the day, checking that she fletchings were straight, the heads without a nick and sharp, and the shafts unbent. I had gotten rid of nine already, and only eight remained. Some had been lost in the river, others had broke when I tried to manually straighten them, and one had lost the head after hitting a rock - these _had_ to last if I didn’t want to be forced to try and electrocute fish as a means of hunting.

Gear checked, breakfast ready I sat to eat, eyes carefully set on the staring wannabe elves.

“I would offer you some, but this is all I’ve left and I’m quite sure Shielan here can manage to get you something if he hasn’t already.” He raised up an eyebrow and showed me a cute rabbit he was holding by the ears. I cursed at the sight of food other than fish and scowled. “Spoilsport.”

He set to clean his kill and prepare it, and I offered him my stick with a kindness I completely lost when he took a pouch from his belt and began seasoning the meat. I could feel Ellana tinkering with the magic she had set around the clearing, taking down the spells she had put up with a care and a skill that would have made me extremely curious if I wasn’t entranced by the superb smell of that rabbit cooking over the fire.

She came over when she finished, and both of them began to talk in that weird language of theirs while she tinkered with something in the ground. When the rabbit was sufficiently cooked he cut it and began passing her pieces while she produced rustic cutlery from somewhere - nothing fancy, a simple wooden dish and a short dagger - and both of them began eating. I was starting to feel uncomfortable with their secret conversation - and a little paranoid, and perhaps even considering breaking into song in Japanese if be, just to prove I could play that game too - when they turned towards me and switched back to good ol’ English.

“What do you plan on doing once you reach a town?” asked Ellana.

I gave her a deadpan stare, thinking that the answer was obvious enough as it was. I shrugged.

“I plan to find a way to go back home to my life. There’s not much else I could think of doing.” Except - perhaps, is I kept this powers - becoming a vigilante and taking off bad guys in the side.

Shielan stared intently at me.

“Is your family accept and give refuge to a mage within their midst?”

I frowned, I had no reason to believe my family would turn on me over _anything_ … But then again, when was the last time you showed up to a weekly dinner after being lost for over a month and offered to cool their drinks by means of magical manipulation of thermodynamics? Even if what I did could be called magic I highly doubted it would be a cause of strife with my parents and siblings, no - it was the whole murderer thing that had me really worried.

“They wouldn’t mind, I’m sure of it. I’m planning on hiding it anyways, sweep this whole episode under the rug and never think about it.”

The man gave me a rueful smile.

“Good luck with that.” He said before Ellana elbowed him. She sighed.

“Without any formal training, you might end up hurting those you love - and then you will have no other option but to flee.” I scowled, I had plenty of trust in my control and didn’t need someone who seemed to forego civilization and modern living to tell me that I needed to train. Self-teaching and Learning’s lesson had paid off quite good up until now - perhaps even better than they ought. She might have read my face because then her tone softened. “I’m not asking you to do anything, simply giving a simple advice that comes from personal experience.”

I nodded at that, understanding. She smiled and that was it. Breakfast ended with a happy note when she shared a bit of the rabbit with me.

It was the most delicious thing I’d ever tasted.

* * *

We lifted our joined pack and I took out my magic from the place before walking back to the river and the road with them on tow.

We had talked a bit and they had told me they would point me to where I would find a town and be on their way. A part of me was sad that I would be alone in the way once more, the other was happy and didn’t really enjoyed having my back watched by two people who could overpower me in a combat situation - not after the last month.

Once on the road, the woman seemed to take a second to fix things in her mental map before nodding to herself and turning towards me.

“See this road? If you follow it east or the river downstream you will eventually find yourself in the city of Ansburg. If you go the other way you will find the biggest city of the Free Marches, Starkhaven. You should be able to find a town by walking either way.”

I sighed and felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders knowing that, no matter what, if I kept walking I would find civilization. I smiled at her.

“Thank you, really… You wouldn’t happen to know how far I am from any of those cities, would you?”

She smiled and arched a brow.

“I can’t tell for sure, I’ve never walked this road.”

I nodded at that answer and began to move on my feet, eager to part now that I had a destination set. I turned to look at the east and where this Ansburg ought to be, and was about to say goodbye and begin to walk when Ellana cut again with a frown on her face.

“If I may give you a parting counsel?” For the first time since I met her last night, she seemed hesitant. I nodded, interested in more information that could help me. “Keep walking past Ansburg following the Minanter and reach the city of Bastion. Take a ship from there to Tevinter if you can - it is the only way you will remain free from a Circle for long.”

I nodded, understanding only the gist of what she said and thanked her and her companion one more time before saying my goodbyes and begin to walk my way. I didn’t hear when they moved, but when I turned back they were nowhere in sight.

Accommodating my backpack I headed east, towards what I hoped was a city and my life. 

* * *

The sight of plowed land greeted me at the side of the road five days after I found the wannabe elves. It was a sight for sore eyes, the first sign of civilization and modernity, and although I couldn’t yet see any powerlines nearby I thought it was still too early to dismiss that possibility.

Hope simmered down as the day went by and _rustic_ farms came into sights. They reminded me of Skyrim - and that was the most favorable comparison my mind could draw. I had passed some men and women working on their fields, and even if it was a relief not to see them on the ground _farming mud with their bare hands_ at least, it wasn’t at all reassuring their lack of modern equipment. I kept on walking, with my head down and avoiding eye contact with those I came across.

After lunch in which the last of my fish vanished, I began to pass people moving down the road.

Every single one of them made my heart beat with nervousness and a fear I had never felt before so close to my own species. I had to stop my hand from resting on the hilt of the dagger in my waist, hoping to pass for a hunter and not someone looking for a fight - or a murderer - that the local police ought to be on the lookout for.

I began to fear what would happen if I was forced to camp somewhere this night when I finally saw the tight constructs of a town in the distance. I hastened my pace, uncaring now of the lack of wiring or paved roads or antennae of some kind in sight, hoping that public sanitation and - perhaps - a sustainable community were living inside those waist-high walls…

Happiness mingled with a strangling sense of despair when I reached its limits and stopped. On sight were more of those small, medieval-looking dwellings, with only one or two rising above the single-story height. Some were made of stone and some of wood - some even had hay roofs that I couldn't fathom in the 21st century, though most had wooden ones thanks to whatever deity was out there.

I finally entered following the road, trying to conceal my ruined pajamas and bare feet to the best of my ability with the cloak, all the while being on the lookout for possible threats - of which there ought to be many. I also scanned the signs hanging from some of the buildings - and would it have been asking for much to find a diplomatic office in this lost piece of history? -, there were no words on them, only pictures that depicted blades, anvils, clothes or other stuff. One had a tankard of ale on it, and I marked its location in my mind, thinking that if I couldn’t find a more conventional hotel an more traditional inn would have to suffice for the night.

Conscious of the strange looks I was gathering from the locals I began to walk fast and finally I found something that looked promising, one of the single-story buildings had a bag of coins as its sign and I hoped to find inside either a bank where I could change the coins into _actual_ money or some sort of general store - if they had a phone I would kiss the owner.

I headed inside and found that my first guess had been a bad one. There were a counter and a variated assort of items inside, from fruits to backpacks to clothes to jewelry inside, everything was pretty unremarkable and I deflated for a second before remembering that I still had the things that my opponent had been carrying with him. If I sold them I could get money without exchanging the golden coins.

With a new hope inside me, I walked up to the counter, from where an old woman dressed simply greeted me kindly.

"Good afternoon dearie, what can I do for you?"

My shoulders sagged a bit at the normality of the greeting - no swords or nightly runs or fangs was already good enough in my books, and that helped to relax some of the tension I hadn’0t even realized I got on me. I approached, carefully taking the bow and the backpack from my back, making my movements as non.-threatening as possible - after all, this was a backwater, almost medieval town, but you never knew when a storekeeper could have a shotgun under that innocent-looking counter - and left the weapon propped to the side before sliding the backpack above the counter.

A thought struck me looking at the woman, that she wasn't that old as I had initially thought. Yes, her skin was stained and her hair was grey, but she had only a few wrinkles and her blue eyes were keen if honest and kind, my eyes were drawn to the dagger at her waist - I sighed at the sight of no-shotgun - but I began to open the folds of my pack before she could comment on my weird silence - or long observations. I took the dresses and the daggers from it and put them in front of her, with no real hopes - who bought daggers in this time and age anyway?

"Would you be interested in buying this?" She raised up her brow and began to rifle through the clothes and weapons, examining the craftsmanship of both and eying me curiously all the while.

"From where are you running, lass? Do we have to worry about your fathers' people asking for you at our doorsteps in a day or two?"

I was confused for a second until I realized - like an epiphany - what this would look like in a weird medieval-fantasy setting: a nobleman's daughter escaping and selling her finery so that she might seem normal. There weren’t many facts to support her case if she looked well, but for some reason - perhaps remembering the ‘political backing’ double-edged counsel Shielan had given me - I took the desition of going along with that, in part because it would grant me some modicum of protection and in the other because I really didn't want to tell anyone that I had taken this from a man I had killed. I lowered my head and didn’t have to put much effort into stammering - the memory of my actions helping with that quite a lot - as if trying to deny her accusation, she just looked me back with her raised brow and I sighed as if defeated.

"My father believes I've gone up north, he won't find my path for many moons yet."

She smiled kindly and began to examine more closely the elements I had left in front of her.

"Do you need something darling or will the coin do?"

Something else lightened on my shoulders at her words. "A change of clothes would be nice, M for both pants and t-shirt ought to fit nicely. And a pair of boots, 6.5, a canteen and a bit of salt if you have it."

She looked at me funny for a few seconds and opened her mouth once or twice before finally speaking.

"You ran away from home yet you forgot the essentials?"

I just shrugged, as if resigned.

"I packed quickly, didn't really had time to plan anything. It was either running or marrying that awful man..." Garnering sympathy - and moving attention away from my requests - seemed the sensible option now. She seemed curious but didn't ask for details for which I was thankful, this story was easy enough to stick by, any more complex and I would need to write it down somehow.

She looked me up and down for a second and gasted at my bare feet.

"Oh, poor dear! What happened to your shoes?"

I shrugged again and played dumb. Adding more things to my tale and trying not to think of how much my bother would laugh at all of this.

"Some bandits closed in while I was preparing myself to bathe one night by the river. I ran and got to my bow in time to scare them off but by then my shoes had been washed away by the current."

She kept mumbling about all the kind of injuries and problems that could bring while rummaging around. I satiated my curiosity by looking around while she brought a few things in front of me. I looked at the offered clothes. Two of them were dresses, common ones of different tones of brown rough cloth, then there was a pair of leather pants, a skirt made of green cloth and a few creme shirts. Under them was a set of underwear so damn similar to the ones I owned that if it wasn't for the rougher weft I would have thought them to be mass produced too. A pair of resistant looking boots and two pairs of socks completed the ensemble.

After asking I began to measure the clothes against my body as none of those had any sort of label with the size. Most of them would fit just fine and I was surprised by just how many the things I had gotten were worth. She completed my order before putting also some coin on the counter, a big golden one and a pile of silvers - so, more medieval role-playing was in full swing for this town, I never thought I’d miss the sight of _normal_ currency dearly in my life. While packing my new things I saw a few long strips of softer cloth, hidden under everything else, when I asked the lady what were those for she winked at me and said that they were for my 'moon days', something I had already had to deal with a few weeks prior and which hadn’t been a nice experience at all. I dearly hoped I was back home - if I had to go through my period without pain medicine again the roaring rampage of murder would be something truly feasible... I thanked her and got out in the sun, the capitalist bred in me feeling better already at the mere thought of spending money.

With the sun going down I decided to head straight for the inn, hoping to find a place to sleep that wasn’t under the stars and, hopefully, give a call home and ask for help.

The golden light that filtered through the windows was accented by the candlelight inside, washing the whole of the room with a warm, golden light that painted a cozy picture. Not many people were there yet, the smell of dropped ale and old sweat was almost unbearable after so many days outdoors. I felt suffocated by the heat after the cool from outside finally disappeared and I would bet all I had that this place couldn't pass a bromatology inspection for the life of its owners. I walked forward to the counter, where a small, thick man was cleaning mugs.

"Can I help you?" He asked with a gruff, yet not unkind voice.

"Would you happen to have a free room, sir?"

He looked at me like another head had grown on my shoulder - and if that wasn't a clue to tone down the _noblewoman_ act I was a fish - and took his sweet time to answer.

"As long as you don’t bring trouble lass. It's ten silver the night, and for fifteen you get dinner and breakfast."

It was damn hard to negotiate prices when you didn't have the least idea of how economics worked in this weird part of America. I just accepted the deal and followed him upstairs to the room that was mine for the night.

I almost squealed at the sight of a bed and actual furniture. Oh my, but this night was going to be heavenly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, we're - more or less - back on track! I liked writing this chapter, though it was weird trying to blend already written parts with new ones.  
> Also, Argentina has a clothes measurement system that equals nothing I've ever seen for USA or Europe, so that was quite the research I had to pull off there - although I would've never imagined that I would find the most complete compendium of information on these on a page directed for tourists here, shows what I know.  
> I hope you liked it and enjoyed it!  
> Another small bit of trivia: did you know that in Spanish the number of the century is written with roman numbers? So the 21st Century would then be 'Siglo XXI'. I was surprised to learn it wasn't like that on English, and I'm always reminded of it when writing because a part of me is like 'Lol! You're writing it wrong!'.


	13. Stranger Danger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has to be the weirdest chapter I've written - not because of content, but because every-single-time I came back to it the tone I had pegged for it shifted and I honestly couldn't tell whether I preferred it to be lighter or darker.  
> In the end, it is what it is.  
> I've got a poll going on my ff.net profile - which is under the same username as here -, essentially asking if you would prefer to keep listening to what's going in Marianna's head in the next works or if you would prefer a turn for a more traditional 3rd person omniscient narrator. I had originally planned to shift it, but I found that writing her tortured thoughts is too entertaining - even if I feel like I'm dabbling in things that are too personal sometimes. If you could vote there or make your opinion known somehow it would help me a great deal, as the next work in this series is my NaNoWriMo project this year :)  
> That's all friends! Thanks for reading my rant and I hope you enjoy it!

Wearing shoes again after so many time barefoot felt uncomfortable and stifling, as did wearing anything other than my scrappy pJ's. New underclothes, on the other hand, felt like heaven no matter what.

The cloth of the dress was rough against my skin and itched, it was too loose in the shoulders and too tight on the hips, and putting it on made me realize just how thin I was after my impromptu diet - even when I felt stronger and could withstand more physical punishment than I had since a long time.

I spent the short time since settling into the room until the call for the night meal cleaning myself up, healing whatever scrap or small wound the day had left. The second order of the evening was to try and create some sort of subtle magical ward to stop others from entering my room. Everything would be much easier if I could just steal Harry Potter spells…

In the end, another pop-culture reference reared its head and lent me a hand. I ended up using the simplest of tricks that required the least of magic, by simply closing the door with the provided key and putting some water from a basin in the mechanism before freezing it. The logic behind was that as long as no key nor lockpick could get inside to mess with it then it couldn’t be opened - and _magic_ wouldn’t be the main suspect. Still, it was always preferable to backup your backup plans, so before going downstairs I took what passed form my wallet here and hid it in my brand new bra - one never knew!

The hall was filled with what I assumed were locals who were chatting amicably in small groups. All of them wore the same, rough-weft clothes that I did now, and a cursory observation revealed that most of them also carried daggers on their belts - I did too, after reasoning that if I hadn’t been detained or questioned after carrying it around the village the whole day, they wouldn’t do so now. There were some that wore other clothes, with brighter colors and finer weft, but there was no other distinction between them or the other people there. No more people with outrageous body modifications thankfully, only your good old human community who prefer to live in the middle ages.

Was it possible to want to express irony and relief and despair at the same time? I had felt that mix of emotions more times than I could count since waking up in the strange crumbling city.

I directed my sight towards the counter and caught the gaze of the innkeeper, who waved me over. I walked up to where he was and sat a little ways from the other patrons, the furthest from the room and closest to the stairs. He passed me the promised meal: a plate full of some kind of stew along with a spoon, half a loaf of bread and a tankard of what looked like beer. I smiled and thanked him, and after he went to attend other patrons I dug in.

The elves’ fish paled in comparison to what this meal tasted like: the meat was soft after soaking up in the broth, and the veggies turned to mush in my mouth. Spices made an explosion of flavor in my mouth and I couldn’t help but moan in pleasure of having something other than _fish, fish_ and _more damn fish_ for dinner. I could almost _feel_ the reward circuits in my brain activate at this. I took my time eating, trying not to wolf it down, enjoying every single bite knowing that if I left I would probably have to go back to my awful forced diet.

I didn’t realize I had attracted anyone’s attention until a soft laugh close by took me out of my gluttony-induced trance.

A woman stood behind the counter, her face rounded and gentle, and her straw-blonde hair tied up high. She was smiling straight at me and her eyes creased with truthful joy.

“I’m pleased to see my stew has gained more adepts.” She said with obvious amusement and I almost blushed when I recalled my reaction to it.

I took a sip from the beer - a lush, creamy thing that tasted better than expected - and cleared my throat.

“It’s one of the best things I’ve tasted - though I might not be the best to judge, I’ve been on the road for far too long to be an unbiased source of data.”

Her eyebrows scrunched up a bit before she smiled back again.

“Many that come here have spent way too long on the road. There are less and less tough these days. May I ask where you come from?”

Going back to the precarious mental map I had I tried to remember the name to the city Ellana had mentioned lied to the west. When I realized it was taking too long I rushed.

“I come from the southwest.” It was truthful enough.

She seemed to contemplate my words carefully and seemed hesitant to speak further.

“Do... Do you come from Wildervale?”

I could see the desire in her wringing her hands together and her anxious expression for me to say ‘yes’, and in one of those ‘eureka’ moments, I obtained my way out. Smiling ruefully I answered.

“Sorry, Starkhaven was more in line with my statement.” I just hoped that darn city was south-y enough for my former statement to be truthful.

She didn’t seem to catch anything weird and so she nodded, thanked me and hurried away after the innkeeper called her.

I shrugged the whole conversation off, feeling something bloom on my chest at having managed it without thinking in any way to get rid of her should things go south. It was progress. I finished my meal and left the hall after thanking the innkeeper. Going back upstairs and getting ready to sleep.

The mattress wasn’t either the softest thing I had ever had or that pleasant firm type, but it was a whole world of difference from the ground and I almost cried in joy when I laid and could feel the comfort of not having my back being poked by twigs and stones. My eyelids dropped by themselves after the hearty meal, the soft bed and the overall warm and fuzzy feeling of comfort inside me, but still paranoia wasn’t to be appeased by a sudden bout of watered-down civilization.

With an extraordinary effort I managed to replace the ice in the locking mechanism - and then it all faded to black. 

* * *

I groaned when I woke again to the eerie green space. 

It only took a second for a shiver to run down my back as the fear I had almost forgotten came back with full-force and my eyes rose unbidden to check on the dark sight. Yep, that damned construct was still in the same place I’d seen it. Couldn’t I dream myself back to my apartment instead of this really appalling place?

A sigh escaped my mouth when my attention was dragged elsewhere, this time to check that my form was still  _ my _ form. I could swear that if I diverted my attention I would lose shape and become a slime or something worse. I was about to curse the fates - once again - when I heard a familiar voice.

“You’ve come a long way, Marianna.”

There a little ways away from me, sitting in a rocky outcrop I could  _ swear _ wasn’t there before, sat Learning in her whip-y woman form, smiling gently. I met her gaze, and the heavy burden that were the emotions I put aside to be able to function and survive swelled and overflowed - with that simple gaze I could tell that she knew all of my sins.

I dropped to the ground, tired of all of this.

“Doesn’t seem like it to me. Somedays I feel like I’m walking in circles.”

She rose from her place and floated towards me. The landscape changed as she moved forward, plantlife sprouting from the rocks and the sky shifting into a darling, if a bit greenish still, blue sky. Some clouds blew away from nowhere, putting the dark city above - and the dark thoughts it brought - out of sight for a minute. When I sighed in relief Learning was already sitting by my side, extending an arm carefully, as if asking for permission. I tucked myself under it and felt another weight lift from my shoulders.

Despite seeming to have almost no mass she was solid and warm, and her caress soothed my mind in ways nothing I’d found in this place so far had managed. This close to her I could almost hear the steel under the musical quality of her voice.

“Sometimes lessons are hard, but going through them will make you grow as a person and a human.” She separated a little and caught my gaze. “And if you learned something you don’t feel comfortable with, then change it.”

I lowered my gaze because there was the problem. I knew deep inside me that what I’d done hadn’t been the right thing, that there had been other ways I should have tried and yet… And yet some part of me where something akin to practicality overwhelmed morals told me that it had been the fastest and better solution I could’ve found to my predicament. I hated how easy it was to reason my way out of my crimes at the same time that brought relief and the ability to keep functioning properly.

“I just… I didn’t need - I didn’t  _ want  _ that lesson. The more I learn the more confused I get, and I can’t have that. I need to find a way back home, back to my life, not dabble in things better left buried in my subconscious. How am I supposed to function properly in society after all of  _ this?! _ ”

I was left breathless by my tirade, having raised my tone without intending to. Everything was back at the forefront, weighing on my consciousness. I should be doing  _ more _ , should have found  _ something _ by now. Instead of researching where I was and if I could find a phone or a laptop or even a fucking copper wire that leads somewhere I had spent my time, like any good capitalist, buying things for comfort and indulging myself in luxuries. I wasn’t doing all that I could to go back to my life - and a small, almost mute part of me was whispering if I even  _ should _ after what I’d done. 

Learning’s touch on my head didn’t drive those thoughts, that confusion and that whole bunch of emotions away, but it eased them and allowed me to regain control. Her eyes were kind when I dared to raise my own.

“What you’ve learned shouldn’t be hasty considered, you have to give things time and distance to settle. This is not like learning maths or language, you can’t just jump into conclusions - for other's sake if not for your own.” Her hand left my head and she stood. I was afraid she was going to leave before she smiled brightly at me. “I know of something that can take all those thoughts away for a while though.” I looked at her, curiosity plain on my face and her smile turned even brighter. “How about I teach you to project things in the Fade?”

Confusion had replaced curiosity now. What did she even mean by that? Her smile turned into a smirk, and she suddenly swept her arm into a graceful gesture and the whole place behind her changed: in a few seconds she had transformed the place from a carefully manicured English garden in the morning into a wild savanna at dusk. I understood then, and I wondered - could this be of any help to my plight? I looked at her.

“How did you do it? Would I be able to learn to do something like that?” I asked and she smiled again.

“It is something inherent to us Spirits, but with our aid, time and learning”, I couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at her pun, “you would be able to do it too. Some mages have it easier than others, and though you’ll never have the abilities of a Dreamer you could get very far with it - especially against Demons.”

My heart that had been swelling with hope plummeted at the word. She had already warned me of Demons what seemed like an eternity ago and I had made light of it - now, after being attacked by both a giant lizard and a human I really didn’t want to cross paths with something that could deserve that moniker.

Cutting through her enthusiasm wasn’t what I wanted to do, but I really wouldn’t be able to sleep well if I was wary about a horned man with goat’s feet stalking me… And damn, I would have a picture of James McAvoy’s Tumnus popping up in my head every time I heard the word ‘Demon’ now.

“What do you mean when you say Demons? You’ve mentioned them before but I really don’t think we’re on the same page here.”

It was her turn to look confused now, as her head turned slightly to the side and her eyebrows scrunched.

“You mean you’ve never heard of them?” At my head moving in denial, she frowned. “Surely you ought to: Rage, Despair, Pride, Desire…”

She must’ve read the recognition in my eyes because she stopped - and I felt compelled to explain.

“I’ve met Desire but she didn’t seem like a demon to me, just a Spirit like you wanting to help.” Though now that I thought about it those violet flames and golden eyes could be taken as demon-y.

Learning didn’t seem to see things my way, though, because her expression morphed into a cold one.

“Wouldn’t you happen to have accepted its help, would you?”

Baffled by her sudden change in attitude I scrambled to answer.

“Well, I would have, she seemed like she would be helpful… But then a lizard decided I was its meal and I haven’t run into her ever since.”

The feeling of arms circling my shoulders out of nowhere surprised me, and I was about to call forth fire or anything to get rid of it when, whoever it was, spoke and I could go back to my non-combat form.

“Aw, so that’s what came between us, dearie. Don’t worry, I said I would help you and I still want to do so.”

I turned and my suspicion was confirmed when my eyes met Desire’s golden ones. At a pointed stare and a frown, she smirked and let go of me, floating until she stood closer to Learning, who had stiffened and was glaring at the Demon - for a second she resembled that majestic vision of the White Lady that she’d shown me the first time. 

“What are you doing here, Demon? You weren’t invited to this place.”

Desire smirked.

“On the contrary, my well-intentioned sister, I came here because our mutual friend called to me.” She turned to me with a kind smile that was more humane than anything Learning had directed at me thus far. “Now that we’ve found ourselves again I can finally help you get home, I only need a glimpse of the real world to tell where we are and safely guide you.”

Learning scowled at that, and I frowned.

“I’ve learned a bit since we last met. We are between Ansburg and Starkhaven, I need to get back to Boston in some way. A few indications will suffice.”

She seemed to pout at my response while the Spirit behind her laughed. The so-called Demon turned to her.

“This ain’t funny Lady, so you better shut yourself before I sick some nasty Rage demon on you.” Scowling she turned to me. “Look, I can’t tell you where this Boston is but perhaps I can offer you something else… Power, richness, the love of the man or woman you’ve always wanted, happiness, stuff like that.”

I frowned.

“So you can’t tell me how to get home?” When she moved her head in denial and shrugged I sighed. “How about getting a phone? Could you do that for me?”

She seemed to consider it, tapping her chin with a clawed finger and was about to speak when the other woman cut in.

“It’s useless Desire, you see it as clear as I: she won’t fall for your usual tricks and turns.”

There was some derision in Learning’s tone as if she enjoyed Desire’s plight - whatever it was. The demon simply tsked and turned to me again.

“I suppose I couldn’t tempt you with anything else? I don’t know what a phone is, but if what I see in your mind is truth perhaps a magical mirror is right what you need. Just give me a peek at what’s outside the Veil and it's yours.” I arched up my brow. Magical mirrors? Was this Snow White all of sudden? She smirked again and before I could blink she had taken up the form of Charlize Theron’s Ravenna and directed a sultry look at Learning. “My, my, I think I might begin to use this form to tempt the unwary. Don’t I look good, Learning dear?”

The Spirit sighed and directed her words at me.

“What Desire here was trying to do was to convince you to let her enter your body, she wishes to possess you and take your place in the Waking.”

“So… Like a movie Demon? The Conjuring or something like that?” I was baffled that they would propose something so preposterous as a reasoning. “That kind of stuff is not possible. It only happens in movies, how would you go about taking over somebody else’s body? That’s just not realistic.”

Desire popped back into her floaty, flamed form and turned to Learning.

“Is this girl for real?”

“Hey!” I called. “I resent that!” She turned back to me and arched her brow.

“You’re seriously not concerned about me trying to possess you?”

I shrugged.

“I don’t believe in that kind of things. You never made explicit that you were asking for a price to your aid and, honestly? If you could really help me get away from this extended Medieval Fair I couldn’t be more happy to try and let you ‘possess me’. Believe what you will, that kind of thing is simply impossible.”

I stood my ground while Learning sighed and for a second even Desire seemed kind of pained about something before returning to her irreverent expressions. The Spirit suddenly spoke.

"You will come across many of my kind that desire for nothing but their own win, they will stop at nothing to try and get a way to cross into the Waking and if they have to tempt you or break you they will do it."

She looked straight into my eyes, into my very soul, compelling me to understand. And I did it, I really did, everyone ever wanted something yet I couldn't fathom what was so different from, well, dealing with the rest of humankind on a daily basis. Unless Desire’s form of possession meant brain-washing I really didn’t believe that she could take over my will in any way, and so, I moved my head in denial while I answered.

"Learning, what you have described could be one of the main ways to describe human nature. I don't really see what its so different from accepting an offer here in this 'Fade' than what it is for real life if everything it should be even less risky because I can't take physical harm here. So long as you don0t shock my brain into tiny pieces I really don’t understand how would a Spirit go about taking over my will.”

"Oh dear..." Learning began in a contrite tone before Desire jumped excited, her tone eager and her attitude utterly childish - it was jarring watching the manual picture of a succubus react in that way.

"Let me show her! Let me Learning, please!" Learning swatted her, even resisting the surprisingly convincing puppy eyes the Demoness was directing at her. Her gaze carried a different, heavier weight when she directed it back at me, her voice a bit more serious than before.

“You seriously believe possession isn’t possible?” When I nodded she sighed and continued. “Well, then I guess you wouldn’t mind if I tried possessing you then?”

That surprised me. If she was similar to me she wouldn’t try to prove something without any certainty that she was in the right. I frowned but wasn’t willing to back down.

“I really don’t mind, You won0t be able to anyways.”

“Yeah! That’s the attitude babe! Keep going!” I head Desire cheer, and when I turned to her she had pom-poms in her clawed hands and was trying to shake them cheerfully but it was clear she was no cheerleader. Still, I nodded to her before turning back to Learning.

"Imagine a wall around your mind opening a door, one that carries an invite, only to me." My eyes should have carried my disbelief because she just smiled reassuringly and gentled her tone. "Just do it for me, dear."

I really didn’t like the phrasing of ‘invinting’ someone into my mind, it reminded me too much of psychology and I really wasn’t keen on someone knowing my innermost secrets - but then again this Spirits already seemed to know what passed through my mind, so why should I fear what she could find in mine? Taking a page from a fictional book I read ages ago I imagine my mind as a floating orb of pure light - pure  _ blue  _ light, thank you very much - and a crystal dome surrounding it, allowing for its light to filter and reach everything in sight. I opened a round piece of it and rolled it to the side, letting the light filter and  _ call _ to Learning...

I startled in my position, sitting on the ground with my eyes unknowingly closed, for I  _ felt  _ her within me. It was like that creeping feeling you get in your skull when you listen a song you will come to love for the first time, something inside you recognizing that special something that you only feel when you are doing something you enjoy beyond everything else. I sighed and let her bathe in my light as I did in hers, feeling complete and at peace and not as paranoid as I expected -. and oh my goodness if this wasn’t weird! -, and then... And then fright all of sudden when she pushed fully inside my crystal barrier and began to grow to fill it.

I felt breathless, something compressing my chest and burning me from the inside out, whatever runs in my veins flared up to react and fight it but every symptom seemed to worsen instead of improving. I wanted to scream, to get her off me to go back to being alone on my bubble. Fury flared along survival instinct and fire rose at my call but she had taught it to me and she could take it... But she couldn't take physics from me. Around me was a sea of pure energy, a soup stirring in a cauldron more than ready to be taken out and used, and so I did and began applying that energy to the atoms around her bright form. I heard a screech, but as I had done with the lizard wasn't really compelled to stop, that dark part of me compelling me to completely obliterate the perceived threat, not even when the pressure abated nor when she retreated fully, only the feel of me burning was enough to drag me away.

I opened my eyes to a violet haze and to Learning kneeling in front of me, holding her head as if in pain while Desire stood next to her, gazing at me warily. My hair was burned and so were my hands but I could see the skin reknitting itself before my very eyes, our whole place from earlier gone and the greenish haze temporarily replaced. Fear taking root again at what I'd done, after all, taking photons up until the point when they went close to gamma rays wasn't something I had even thought possible without  _ at least  _ a hadron collider at my disposal, yet here I was, bumbling my way through magic and physics - and now using actual beings that tried to help me as my experimental subjects. Smooth Ria, real smooth.

Learning opened her eyes and pinned me with her steely gaze.

" _ What  _ in the Black City  _ was that?!" _ I backed a little, feeling a bit raw still and utterly surprised at what'd done.

"I..." I wet my lips, my throat ached a bit when the air flowed through it so I took a few deep breaths. "I got scared when you pushed me against my wall, it got worse when I couldn't call magic to defend myself, so I did the only thing I could think of to try and dislodge you." At her angry gaze, I rose my hands in defense, almost fully healed now. "It shouldn't be permanent, at least I don't think I've managed to actually harm you, gamma ray-radiation is not as dangerous as you can think when you’re un-material and... I apologize if I went straight for one of the most lethal options I could think of but you scared the shit out of me!"

She staggered and tried to get up and I went to support her only for her to glance warily at my newly healed hands. I tried to put forth what I had felt on them when that happened - the calm soothing scent of tea and mint mixed with the sting of disinfectant and the strange feeling of new skin - and put it forth towards her. Light golden light spurted from my hands and I recognized within it the song of my magic before I ordered it to repair what damage the Spirit had, take away whatever ionization had settled, repair her broken DNA links... That sort of thing that I dearly hoped magic could figure out on its own because I tended to hate anything alive smaller than a housecat, nevermind actual cells and biological molecules.

A few seconds of the magical healing and she finally stood with the help of Desire, whom now was trying to put the lighter lady between me and her. Great, I had scared the succubi.

" _ What  _ are you that can wield unknown magic when a Spirit its trying to show how possession works?"

I scowled at her, angry at the refusal to see of one called Learning.

"I used the same trick you taught me to conjure fire, as simple as that! A bit of focus here, intent, knowledge, and willpower there and an energy font that this freaky dimension so  _ readily  _ provides and poof! Instant mini gamma-ray burst with a side of ionization! If you go inhabit a university instead of greeny-eerie-and-rocky perhaps you could have passed for electromagnetic spectrum course."

Desire snorted, amused.

"Still haven't answered Learnie here."

The lady scowled back at the tailed one and seemed better by it, so I just raised my bow at her.

"You're one to point fingers. I'm obviously human even when you are a mix of a wingless harpy, fire elemental and dragon all rolled into one."

She furrowed her brow and delved into a thoughtful state while her companion just stood and if warily, closed on me enough to rest a hand on my shoulder. She breathed once to compose herself and tried to keep up with what we were doing before I became breaking news.

"Possession it is what happens when someone leaves a door or a crevice open enough in their defense for a Demon or a Spirit to enter. A Demon will take out your will and your body for his own means, a Spirit usually will try to aid but... It's not an ideal situation for anyone. If the contract is consensual a Spirit might aid you in your endeavors and not pain your soul so much, but it is easy for the nature of mortals to corrupt its intent and even easier for it to turn into a Demon and overrule the human's inhibitions. With a Demon-born no matter what type of contract to craft, they will always deceive and take for themselves in the end."

"Hey! I can fulfill my promises too!" Called out Desire from the side, her tail twitching nervously yet getting closer and looking me in the eye again. "If I knew where it was, I could take you home and  _ then _ take over your will and your body - though I'm not sure I would want yours now."

Learning smiled and put her other hand on her shoulder, squeezing gently.

"We aren't meant to walk the Waking Lethallen, better to see things safely from the safety of the Veil than risk being unmade by its inhabitants."

The Demon finally sighed and looked at me.

"’s not as if I got anything you may want anyway..." She grumbled, in a low voice and I smiled at her.

"I’m already used to everyone here denying to know what a cell phone is. And unless you can call forth teleporting tech from the far future I highly doubt you could take me to a place you don't even know without some kind of miracle involved." Desire smiled, murmured in words I didn't understand and vanished as suddenly as she had formed, leaving me alone with Learning who looked at me appraisingly.

"You learn surprisingly fast for a woman who had never interacted with magic in her life before."

I shrugged. "As long as it's not string theory or something  _ insultingly _ illogical I don't see the harm in doing what I'm told."

She smiled again and hugged me before looking back at my eyes.

"The night grows old and the time to part is close. I won’t be able to teach you anything about controlling the Fade tonight... And despíte everything that has transpired tonight I would like to continue to meet you and learn of you as you learn of me... If you'd have me, of course."

I smiled back at her and hugged her back.

"Magicking science and overly-analyzing magic? You're a girl after my own heart Learning."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just love writing Desire, she's so lively and human. Spirits are harder to peg, too 'elfy' in the Tolkenian sense of the word... On the other hand, Learning was more prissy in the original version of this chapter, I like her more poised and regal as it ended up being.


	14. Double Trouble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sneaking back from my unexpected absence with my deepest regrets. I was wound up with a subject I desperately need if I want to get my degree next year - still am, but now we've got a longer deadline - and we had lots of trouble with it. I didn't write in the whole of November and then finals came over me and I was just so buried up in work I couldn't even finish this to publish it.  
> With any luck, we'll be back to a regular schedule now. Thanks for your reads, your kudos, and patience.  
> On a related note, I'm still riding the high from last week: first, DA 4's announcement in the Game Awards - and damn me if I didn't squee like a madwoman when I heard Solas' voice -, and then without time to settle, we get Avengers: Endgame trailer. I am trapped in a weird limbo between suffering and being extremely happy, and I'm feeling so energized that even though there's still work to do I can't think of postponing my writing any longer.   
> Love you all, and I expect you're as happy as I am and that you enjoy this long overdue chapter.

A stray ray of sun found my eye and woke me - said no-one ever in their lives.

In the modern world where artificial lighting was a staple to not be able to sleep with it on was stupid - and in this forsaken medieval one, I had taken to wake long before that even became a problem. But being awake before dawn, which had to be around 5 am if the not-so-cold climate was any clue when you were alone and when you were around people were two very different things - especially after a rough night.

I still had Learning’s last bout of bell-like laughter chiming in my ears when I woke, and a faint stinging in my hands that made me reconsider just how much of what I did in the Fade crossed-over to the real world. My mouth felt dry, as if after speaking for hours, and my mind was fully aware - not refreshed like after a good night sleep, but like if I had pulled an all-nighter watching some series or another, heavy, with batteries full but knowing that that feeling would soon pass and leave you bone-tired by the time lunch rolled over. 

Still, I had things to do and couldn’t laze around in bed the whole day - not to mention that I would go mad in minutes of doing nothing. With nothing else to think of I fiddled a bit with the energy so easily available around me, pushing and pulling softly against limits I knew to be truthful when you discussed normal natural laws instead of magical laws, trying to discern without disturbing the space around me too much which held true and which crumbled under the weight of my will - and oh, boy! Wouldn’t some scientists have a field day with the whole of the things I played with?

When sun rays finally began filtering through the rough crystal of the only window I decided it was as good of a time as any to go downstairs and make a few questions. With the perspective of having a good breakfast, my body filled with new energy that had nothing to do with the Fade and I dressed before venturing out of my room.

I was surprised to find the saloon so full this early, but if this was a rural community then it made sense. Putting those thoughts away from my mind I walked down to the counter, where the stocky innkeeper was moving around with a vitality that made me feel old and weary and wanting to go back to bed for a century. He smiled and I smiled back before he went back and brought a pot of something alongside a tankard that acter as a mug and a few pieces of toast.

“There you go lassie, a nice plate to get you on your feet and on the road in no time!”

I smiled and took a sip of the infusion, tasting some sort of tea that smelled of luxury yet still didn’t compare to a good cup of black coffee. I tasted the toast next before going on to the porridge. It felt weird and heavy to eat so much so early in the morning, but it was delicious all the same and the mere thought of having to leave this behind to go back to the roads made my feet ache and my head spin - how long would it be until I could sleep under a roof again?

A thought flashed through my mind and I went through my mental wallet, thinking and pondering. Maybe…

The innkeeper passed me by, bringing back empty plates and mugs with him and I waved him over. 

“Something you need, kid?” He asked.

“I was wondering if it would be much trouble if I stayed a few days. I don’t feel ready to go back to the roads just yet.” I said, my tone meeker than I wanted it and ignoring the warnings and angry flashes in the back of my brain. Was it wrong to wish for a little comfort in the search for home? It wasn’t as though I was giving up, I just wanted to feel like a human being for a few days!

He laughed merrily and patted me lightly in the back.

“Not a problem as long as you pay! We’re always happy to have people around here!”

I smiled lightly.

“I will do so at lunch then if it is not much trouble. I would like to explore the town a bit.”

He simply nodded with a pleasant small.

“There’s not much to see, but there’s a Chantry and a few stores. We have an apothecary if you’re in need of healing and blacksmith’s pretty good too.” I felt my smile widen and nodded.

“Thanks for the information, I’ll be sure to check them out, although…” I had already forgotten my chance to ask yesterday night, it was not time to doubt now. “Wouldn't you happen to know if anyone in town has a phone? Or a computer with internet access? I’d really appreciate the data.”

His gaze turned confused, but not hostile. I had to repress a sigh at that, I really wasn’t expecting much from this place in technology matters, but I had hoped that  _ at least  _ there was a satellite phone for emergencies. I smiled reassuringly and dismissed my own question before going back to my breakfast.

It didn’t take long for me to begin to feel oppressed in the closed room, it was just too much all of sudden: the noise, the people, the roof and just... I scrambled to finish my food and forced a smile on the way out to the maid that had spoken to me last night.

Once I breathed the fresh air outside, had the sunshine on my skin and could listen to the sounds of nature I relaxed a bit. Tampering down the thought that it would be hard going back home if I had to fight this sudden feels I turned down the road, a hand carefully resting behind the hilt of my dagger and began walking down the streets. 

If this was an ideal world, I would find an old-fashioned English telephone booth.

* * *

No phone, no hanging wires - nor sign of them being underground -, no satellite-tv antenna on sight and a few hours later I had already walked most of the small town. 

I had seen the apothecary store on the southern outskirts of the town, the closest to the river. I had smiled at the woman and asked her about a few of the flasks I had seen, which had been enlightening about the things I’d drank on my first days here. Apparently the red ones that could heal wounds were ‘health potions’, some were denser and could be used as poultices while others were for drinking only; the golden ones were vigor potions, which energized the body but were expensive to produce and keep, but the stars of the place were the so-called ‘lyrium’ potions. According to the woman she couldn’t make them herself due to the nature of the materials needed, but had stocked a few away for traveling mages here and there - I failed to see which was the trouble with that, after all, if I followed what the name told me it was made of some variant or other of lily; lyrium, after all, was similar enough to the Spanish  _ ‘lirio’  _ for it to be confused…

The effects she told me they had, however, were strange at best and out of a video game at worst. It was basically a mana potion, only I was pretty sure  _ mana _ had nothing to do with how this strange magic worked - after all, the energy used came from the Fade and not from my own body, but well, it wouldn’t be fair to complain about the weirdness of that if I was so readily accepting magic already.

As I’d thought and the innkeeper had said, there wasn’t really much to see in the small town. Memories and uncomfortable thoughts had begun to creep in when the sudden sound of metal hitting metal startled me. I had to consciously flex my fingers away from their uncomfortably tense state - in the case of one hand almost prying them from around the hilt of the dagger-, stomping down onto the wave of energy that I had pulled towards the edge of the Veil in seconds and putting a lid on that part of me. I was disgusted at my jumpiness, ashamed that I had reacted that way when I had been told previously that there was a smith in town.

I kept walking towards the source of the sounds and found a large man forging something in the traditional way, by means of hammer and anvil. There was a large-ish array of both, materials and half-finished pieces strewn around his wall-less workshop, and the few tools I could see were rudimentary - no power hammer on sight or electrical equipment whatsoever. The objects being made were simple ones too: horseshoes, blades, and pans. Nothing fancy and nothing that couldn’t be mass produced and bought anywhere in this time and age. 

Before I gave myself the chance of walking by, a quick gaze to the distance and the river reminded me that I would have to go back to the road sometime soon - and that it would be ideal to have my quiver replenished with fresh arrows by then. I turned back towards the smithy.

The smith was a robust looking man that couldn’t be taller than I was. His sandy-blond hair was held from his sweating face by a headband and his simple clothes covered by a leather apron. He didn’t stop working just because I entered his workspace, so I distracted myself by looking around, taking in details and whatnot about the place: there were some plaques with obscure designs that seemed too complex for the tools I could see, and a few shelves along the only wall were too close to the point of collapse for comfort. It worried me still that he didn’t seem to have any arrows in sight - and with my luck, if he had them, then they would be for the type of bow I didn’t have.

He finally finished pounding away at whatever he was doing and turned towards me, taking off his gloves. 

“Sorry ‘bout that, I really had to finish that piece. Name’s Theran, what can I help you with?” He said with voice roughened by smoke and effort. I put on my ‘innocent girl who wouldn’t hurt a fly but is still willing to trade with ye’ face.

“Marianna. I’m looking for arrows for a bow this long.” I moved my hands to mark the desired length. “Do you make them or is there a fletcher in town?” I highly doubted that was the case, but better to cover all of the bases. He smiled and began to rearrange some tools around. 

“No fletcher, just plain old me. How many sheaves would you be wanting?” He had to had read the confusion plain as day on my face - it had been a long time since I’d found a word I really didn’t know in my own language, but he was kind enough not to embarrass me due to my lack of knowledge. “I’m sorry, but I only sell the sheave with twenty-four arrows on it, making individual ones brings no profit.”

I nodded in understanding. It was surprising, but it made sense.

“How much would a sheave cost, then?”

“Twenty silver, and for five more I could also take a look at whatever arrow you’ve already got. It will take me a week to make them in between my other jobs if you’re willing to help and have the knowledge I will check your arrows with no added charge and get them out faster.”

I inclined my head. That wasn’t the plan - hell, staying in town wasn’t the plan, not with how rough it would be on my wallet, and I still needed some of this weird currency if I got a hold of a phone and could get to a train station or something. Buying some fruit for the way and staying in the inn for so long was already too expensive for my tastes, but I didn’t have any idea of how long I would be away from civilization - and if I ended up starving because I had decided not to spend some silver in some arrows, I would definitely punch myself.

Besides having something to work with that didn’t involve defying everything I knew would be nice.

“When do we begin?”

* * *

I groaned when I stretched. 

The muscles in my arms were on fire and my back was killing me. I really thought I’d managed to become stronger what with hunting with bow and arrow every single day of the past few weeks - it was kind of hard going back to the harsh reality and realizing that I had nothing on a smith without some form of electrical tool at hand.

If there was a good thing about all of this work, it was that I hadn’t have a single nightmare since I began to work on my arrows - or whatever the man needed actually.

Having a comfy place to sleep, without paranoia coursing through my veins and waking all wound up made marvels for one’s humor. Still, staying at one place for so long was making that very same feeling surge back with a vengeance, especially in so small of a town where everyone seemed to know each other and I felt even more of an outsider than I was. I needed to get back on the road, even if it meant losing all those nice, small comforts I missed so dearly. 

I was on my way back after a plentiful day of work when a commotion in the outskirts of town drew my attention. Curiosity overpowered caution, and the chance to get some clear information about where I was and why these people choose to live in isolation was an - albeit small - impassable chance. My feet guided me through the houses and alleys until I found myself within as large of a crowd as a town like this can have, and advancing further into it until I could see with my own eyes the most heartbreaking scene I’d ever found. 

A small child, no older than seven if my eyes were right, was clinging to the skirts of his indifferent mother, bawling unintelligible words as a man not to far away that had to be his father held back two younger, sobbing girls. Four men in full plate armor stood, helmets covering their faces with swords and shields completing their attire. They ticked something in the depths of my mind, but I shoved that thought away, trying to discern why this scene was even happening.

One of those medieval soldiers advanced and made to grasp the kid, who ducked behind his mother’s skirts. Heat swelled in righteous anger inside of me, hot enough to be uncomfortable yet still not enough to override my sense and impulse me to take action in a conflict that wasn’t mine to fight. 

The tipping point was when the woman herself disentangled the small hands from the cloth and threw the child at the knights. I hadn’t even consciously taken a decision before I found myself catching him before metal arms did, steadying him and trying to seem at the time as comforting and as intimidating as I could. All eyes were on me now, time to put up those courses on motivation to good use.

“What is the meaning of this?” I stood and put the child behind me, standing up to the knights whom I could almost  _ feel _ sneering under their helmets.

“This doesn’t concern you, traveler. We are here on legitimate Circle business.”

I arched a brow, channeling my teenage entitled self into a big aristocratic bundle and released it on the men.

“So is it  _ your duty _ now to go around the countryside stealing children from the tutelage of their parents?”

He walked until he was directly on my face and I could feel the overwhelming urge springing in my head to  _ defend myself before he could harm me _ , but he didn’t manage to touch me or anything. A wave of heat swept over me and I thought that I’d finally lost control until the truth washed over me like a wave.

I extended my new sense and felt the Veil pierced close to me, and I turned to see the boy surrounded by flames. Adopting a calming expression I was about to try and snuffle it out with my own power, fearing that he would hurt me unintentionally but I didn’t even manage that - instead one of the knights screamed something and, in a second, the pain I had felt in my veins since I fell from the black city was no more. It was so unexpected it distracted me completely from the task I had assigned myself.

It was weird, to say the least not to feel pain, not even a small tingle to tell me that I still kept my not-so-unique abilities… With growing trepidation, I sought the ever-present connection with the Fade, and it was still there, like a lifeline to a shore I had become dependant on, only it was _dulled_ as if stretched over a long distance. The loud noise of metal on metal startled me out of my reverie, and I found the boy slumped in the arms of one of the knights, breathing harshly - that was all it took for the fury to rekindle within me, even when I still couldn’t call so easily on the Fade.

“What have you done to him?!” I called, and the one I had spoken to before turned as if baffled I was still there.

There was a sneer in his voice, clear as dawn when he answered.

“The same thing we ought to do with every rogue mage: smite them to submission. It’s our duty to keep them in line, and by the Maker, we will fulfill it.”

His comment stirred some sort of unrest within his men but I couldn’t hear them over the rush in my ears. I could feel the familiar pain slowly trickling back into me, icing my blood in the process while my brain processed what I knew.

They  _ knew _ about this power. They had a  _ name _ for what I was.  _ There was a whole system in line to keep people with those abilities in check! _

And I had stupidly put myself within their sights!

Anger swelled at myself and I turned away from the scene, unwilling to antagonize them any further. This had the smell of government conspiracy all over it and I wanted to be as far away as possible from it. I wandered back to the inn and looked over my things. I had a few days work with Theran yet, but after they were done I was going to be out of this damn town as fast as possible. 

Living in the wild was a more pleasant prospect than being cooped up in a lab and experimented in. 


End file.
